Saturday, May 16, 2009

Fatal attractions?

Boy do I have a few.

Of course there is the straight best friend (M) (and here). He's still the person I fantasize about settling down with. Never going to happen but he is the benchmark. And still my best friend.

I got missed call from the girl of my dreams (Ng) (and here, here, and here) this week. Not sure what it was about. Despite her now married status, my heart still skipped a beat.

There is another really good friend (Nb). Probably the one friend who actually loves me. He phones and I hear the smile in his voice when we talk. He is married with two kids. If things were different he'd be the perfect guy to settle down with.

There is the guy who works at my client (R). The guy I hit on anonymously (and here). Who is now a very good friend. I had dinner with him, his wife and two gay friends of his on Friday night. He stopped by to watch the rugby at my house on Saturday. And I played golf with him today. Oh my word have I got the hots for him (no he does not know it was me that sent him the email).

Interestingly, I had dinner this week with the first guy I'd ever been with. Amazingly that was five years ago. What a sweet guy. He is still in a relationship, but things were really close to boiling over. They didn't. Damn.

Unrequited love has really bothered me. I love being with M, Ng, Nb and R. However, after I've been with them I do feel really down, knowing that despite how I feel about them, nothing will ever happen. And I wonder why I can't meet someone like them who is available. I am trying. The dating sites (here), the anonymous email to the guy I hoped might respond. With regards to girls, there is an opportunity, but she could be on the rebound and at 29 is likely to be looking for "the one." I'm not sure I can handle that pressure. With regard to guys, short of going to a gay club - something I really don't think is going to deliver an eligible guy - I'm not sure what more to do.

In the meantime I'm accumulating best friends I have feelings for. Damn.

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