Why don't we all ask the question? Well I guess there are a few possible answers:
Well those of you who read this blog know that I question most things.
It's not exactly a new question.
Some years ago I fell in love with my best friend. Before this I'd felt attracted to some guys, but rationalised it away. So isn't the answer obvious then? Thing is, just as I'm attracted to some guys, I'm still attracted to some girls. See for example Keira, Natalie and Scarlett. Big fan. And believe me, the thought of most guys fills me with the typical guy reaction - yugh! So I'm bisexual then. Right?
Never one to go with the flow, the real question for me has been why would I feel either way.
I guess this comes down to the nature vs. nurture question. Let me say right now I'm a big believer in the nurture side of things. Babe raised by wolves thinks it's a wolf, behaves like a wolf, etc. I always think there is truth in both sides of any argument, and so I hear the fact that some people might be predisposed to being gay or not.
And let me say that I hear the argument that says just go with what feels right. I'm not a big believer in this though. I like to know why or if there is a why. Yeah, if I can't figure out the why, or realise there is no specific why, then I'll go with the feeling.
Let me also say that I completely hear the argument that says be true to yourself. I'm ready to be straight or gay - or bi. Easy to say, but I do believe that living a lie is pointless and not only hurts you but all those around you.
So why might I feel one way or the other? And does the why matter?
It's funny. I'm attracted to guys who could be me - only better. Better looking, better at sports achievement, whatever. Complication - they're always straight.
Like the best friend. Wow. The ultimate over-achiever - sports and life in general. Good looking. I told him about it and we lost touch for about three years. He's in a different country. We correspond now and talk on the phone and will doubtless get together in the future. He's pretty supportive and has only really said "Be true to yourself" with regard to my discussion with him from three years ago.
Maybe it's an overachiever / perfectionist thing. I believe that what some of us look for in girls is based on the same issue - we're as good as the fish we catch. Doesn't just have to be girls. It could be any of the trophies of success such as cars, houses, etc.
But why guys? I struggled for approval / fighting unfair times at school. Sometimes I wonder if I'm still looking for approval.
So that's the over-rationalising part of me. I'm sure many people will just say "Deee Ni Al!"
Never one to attack things from one angle, after years of putting it off, I bit the bullet (so to speak) recently and went out with a gay guy. It was fun, but frankly, no more fireworks than I've had with some girls.
I smiled at eKapa's strip joint experience recently. Those girls didn't feel my hipbone. HA HA HA. But there's another post (Oy vey, the pun opportunities are endless, aren't they).
David Bowie was once asked about his sexuality (given the Ziggy Stardust days, not surprising). They asked if he was bi-sexual. He replied, "Actually I think I'm tri-sexual - I went through a phase where I'd try anything!"
I'll experiment some more and we'll see. At the same time I'm working on being happier with me. I've been pretty happy with me for the last 10 years or so. I have achieved. I'm good looking. I have a good sense of humour. I'm fun to be with.
I know the secret is getting over myself. Part of that is forgiving the kid that was me from a long time ago. He was a pretty good kid. Didn't deserve a lot of the shit he went through, which was more about the other kids than it was about him.
I'm also pretty secure in who I am. I adore sport. I love being a typically straight acting guy. Whether I am straight or gay won't change or endanger that.
Wow. Funny how we tend to challenge everything at the same time isn't it? Interesting times.