Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Can we be friends?

Chitty's post reminded me of my perfect girl. And here. And here.

Truth is, I never really give up. And some part of me still says, "Don't burn the bridges, be there if she is keen one day."

That's hard. When I told her I was moving on, there were a lot of tears. She had said that she wasn't ready for a relationship in a non-commital kind of way. Some months later I said I needed to put some space between us for my own sanity. The tears made it worse, like she did feel something. She told me she was still in love with her ex. I told her she needed to sort that out, give a last try, but I wasn't going to just hang around and not know if I stood a chance.

Since then, it has been difficult, we've met for lunch. Other times we've been supposed to meet and it hasn't happened. Sometimes we've talked and mostly we haven't talked very often.

My best friend and his wife were on the beach the other day and bumped into her - with the ex. I spoke to my friend later that day and he told me about it. Funny - it still hurt. My dream girl with someone else. Just after I spoke to my mate, Keira-girl phoned. I didn't let on that my mate had told me anything. It was a bit tense.

I phoned her tonight and all the tension was gone. She was so happy to hear from me. She mentioned meeting my friend, perhaps listening to hear if I had heard she was with the ex. I didn't let anything on. We just chatted like old friends.

I've moved on. I've seen other girls. But of course I'm looking for the signals. Yeah, I'll be a friend. I'll phone. We'll meet. Once burned, twice shy - but she'll always be the girl that took my breath away when I was 21 and who I finally got introduced to 10 years later and had a chance with. Maybe dream girls are just meant to be dreams.


tripeak said...

Yeah - agreed! Dream girls are just that... too good to be a reality. And yeah - i have scars to proove it!! I could elaborate - but my comment might end up longer than yr post. LOL.

It is the question said...

Hmm. I think the other party has some blame in it. I wonder if dream girls feel that we put them on a pedastal and rebel away from that?

Thing is, most of us are attracted to someone who seems slightly out of reach - the challenge! But for that person the same applies. Nobody likes a lovesick drip. I wonder if you have to be slightly nonchalant about a relationship in its early stages for their to be interest from the other person?

So perhaps the "dream" part makes us self destruct.

ChittyChittyBangBang! said...

Some guys do actually get their “dreams girls” and some girls get their “dream guys”. I know a few ppl who claim they have.
I buy into the “slightly out of reach” theory. We tend to idolise that which we perceive as perfect.
Truth be told, these girls/boys are ppl like the rest of us, so theoretically nothing should stop you from hooking up with them. But there has to be a mutual attraction to start off with. You liking them does not automatically make it possible.
I was too scared to pursue my “dream girl”, mostly because I got sidetracked and perhaps I elevated her to the level where I scared the shit out of myself.
Unreciprocated love is nothing new. And when that happens, does it automatically elevate the other person to “dream” status? Perhaps it does, I do not know. The mind tends to play strange games with one’s psyche. There’s always one who got away or the one person one wishes to spend eternity with. But would things have turned out as perfect as we “dreamt it would be? That is debatable.
Relationships fails and ppl fall out of love all the time, that’s just how life is. Perfect couples or dream girls/boys…. Reality is a bitch and she will hit you squarely between the eyes when you least expect it.

kyknoord said...

I can only amplify Chitty's comment - i.e. 'dream' people are still people and not that many relationships work out in the end. It puts me in mind of picture that was circulating by e-mail a couple of years ago. It was of a beautiful woman and the caption below read: "No matter how good she looks, just remember that there's someone who's had it up to here with all her shit."

Dizzygirl said...

Wow, an adult South African male talking frankly about unrequited love.

My day seems brighter.

I've been a squirming pedestal girl, and (most recently) I've been the one standing under the pedestal, trying too hard.

The games we can't help playing.

I wonder how this relates to (finally) becoming a grown-up.

What is a grown-up, and do we really want to grow up?

Nice blog.

It is the question said...

Hey Dizzy

Thanks for dropping by. I returned the favour. I think your blog may help me understand this woman species better....