I played golf with my best friend the other day. I've written how I've been in love with him for what is now approaching 16 years. And I wrote how it is difficult being friends with him while I continue to feel the way I do about him despite his being straight and unavailable.
It's great being with him and both of us can just "be." No bullshit. We know one another inside out. We're similar in many ways. We studied together, we both love sports and fairly intellectual.
Which makes it difficult. Because there is the attraction part as well.
Added to this is the fact that he is a world class athlete (literally - he took up triathlon, part-time, outside his regular job, and qualified for the world champs in Hawaii) and has possibly the best body I've ever seen. I've had that head over heels love for him for years - the kind that loves his hands, feet, etc.
And despite being intensely private and knowing my feelings for him, he has now changed and showered with me after golf on two separate occasions. Which I've taken as a huge compliment emphasizing his trust in me.
But my god, seeing him naked. I've gone into a depression once again.
The worst part is knowing that even if I went out with a guy as physically beautiful as him, I'd struggle to find someone who I can be as happy with just sitting at a table having coffee with.