How do you find someone special?

So I'm handling my "rejection" from my anonymous approach poorly.

Of course the guy was straight, engaged, etc, etc.

But it followed my tough time after I'd seen the guy I love and can't have.

I don't fall for many guys or girls. It's weird though. I'll meet a guy or girl and I'll be "Wow. This person's special."

They're not stereotypically hot either. Sure, they're usually something special - but different. And there's something else about them. I once wrote, "..like me but better." And they're usually really nice / good people.

They're not a brainless babe, a bulging hunk, an alpha male, etc.

So I obsess and put them on pedestals. Even a guy I've not said more than two words to. He becomes unattainable bliss.

Maybe the fantasy of something working out with the guy/girl of my dreams helps keep me going through loneliness, overwork, etc. Maybe they need to be unattainable so I never have to deal with their flaws. Maybe...

In the meantime, I'm dying. I'm under so much work and study pressure right now. Despite the fact that I hardly know the guy I emailed, he's obliging and cute and he's like me in that he has succeeded at work at a young age. I think the thought of meeting someone similar made this guy even more attractive. Damn. I want to meet someone to share things with. Someone who gets excited by the same things, someone who'll understand.

UPDATE: How do you hit on someone at work?

Oh crap. Crap, crap, crap, crap crap crap!

After waiting for a week for my response, I sent another email today.

06/05/2008 19:08
Subject FW: Hey

Hi XXX

Did you get my email?

Perhaps you were a bit freaked out? I know I would have been if I'd got an
email like that! Sorry if that's the case.

If it helps, I have no idea whether you would meet a guy for a drink.
Frankly, you appear straight. I approached you merely because I thought you
were attractive and a nice guy. I'm a young guy in (hopefully!) the same
situation. I am certainly not openly into other guys - the anonymous email
should tell you that.

Anyway, before I tie myself into any more knots with this awkward approach,
let me know or tell me if the approach is too concerning to you / you're
not interested. (And feel free to continue this conversation from a non-YYY
email!)

Cheers

The original email:


Subject: Hey
Date: Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:14:45 +0200

Hi XXX

This is a bit of a strange email.

I work with at you at YYY but don't really know you. You seem like a nice
and attractive guy.

Thing is I'm another guy. Hopefully also nice and attractive. Pretty
normal bloke really.

Would you meet another guy for a drink?

I wanted to keep this anonymous until I'd got the potentially
embarrassing introduction out the way.

Cheers


To which I got the response:

Hi.

Yes, I was a bit freaked out, you never know if there are idiots out there
who would think sending something like this would be funny, you seem
sincere though.

Unfortunately I am straight and recently got engaged so wont be taking you
up on your offer.

Best of luck on finding someone special.

Kind regards,

So this anonymous email approach is quicker and safer than spending ages getting acquainted with someone hot and then finding out they're definitely unavailable.

But how I wish he was. I really am beginning to be concerned at my attraction to unavailable straight guys.

How do you hit on someone at work?

This is complicated enough when you're a guy hitting on a girl. It's very complicated when you're a closet bi guy hitting on a guy.

It's even more complicated when the "work" is a client organisation.

Anyway. Very attractive guy is a contractor at my client.

So after a while I came up with a brainwave: how about a polite anonymous email?

Of course this could still all go horribly wrong. He could see the anonymity as cowardly. He could play along and then expose me. Or he could be scared and think this is someone playing a practical joke on him.

Or he could just be straight.

Sadly, he and I were both on leave this week. So I got the "XXX is out of the office..."

Let's freaking hope he did not set his work mail to auto-forward to a colleague...

Will I ever love anyone else as much?

I played golf with my best friend the other day. I've written how I've been in love with him for what is now approaching 16 years. And I wrote how it is difficult being friends with him while I continue to feel the way I do about him despite his being straight and unavailable.

It's great being with him and both of us can just "be." No bullshit. We know one another inside out. We're similar in many ways. We studied together, we both love sports and fairly intellectual.

Which makes it difficult. Because there is the attraction part as well.

Added to this is the fact that he is a world class athlete (literally - he took up triathlon, part-time, outside his regular job, and qualified for the world champs in Hawaii) and has possibly the best body I've ever seen. I've had that head over heels love for him for years - the kind that loves his hands, feet, etc.

And despite being intensely private and knowing my feelings for him, he has now changed and showered with me after golf on two separate occasions. Which I've taken as a huge compliment emphasizing his trust in me.

But my god, seeing him naked. I've gone into a depression once again.

The worst part is knowing that even if I went out with a guy as physically beautiful as him, I'd struggle to find someone who I can be as happy with just sitting at a table having coffee with.