I'm struggling right now.
I mentioned I'm in love again. And here.
After not seeing R for a long time while I was away and then he was busy with work, I saw quite a bit of him last week. I loved every moment. Braaing, out drinking and playing golf. Loved just chatting and shooting the breeze. Loved being close to him.
He seems at ease with me and we're just like a couple of boys together.
And it's that old thing of being grateful for each moment, but knowing that it will go no further. Seemingly pleasure and agony in equal measure.
Over the past year I've looked for people who are accessible - on Datingbuzz and Mamba. The guys I'm interested in are not interested in me. I'm not sure why. But it seems that the people I'm destined to love - and those I might - are unreachable.
I'm meeting with someone off Mamba for coffee tomorrow. He's not long term potential - I'm 36 and he is 23. But it might be fun, and I could do with some of that.
But even with that I'm just cut up about R.