Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Is there something wrong with me?

I feel like I'm in a trap:

  • I keep on meeting someone long distance

  • I think I get taken for coming on too strong

  • The people who fall for me, I'm just not attracted to at all.


  • And then it seems like others create distance. Ignored calls. No call to me.

    Another weekend it seemed we both enjoyed and then nothing.

    I know I'm a nice guy. I know I am kind. I am intelligent. I don't think I'm unattractive - I can't see a hunchback in the mirror...

    The long distance thing is wierd. Is there no one compatible in Jo'burg? I hope there is not something deeper there. Like a fear of commitment...

    ...but if there was a fear of commitment, how could I get taken for coming on too strong? And I am comfortable with taking things as they go. I make a great friend. I'm absolutely fine with a fun sexual relationship and just seeing where it goes, or acknowledging it won't...

    Man, as always, it is when you're not looking, hardly interested, that others are interested in you. Now if only that could be somebody I liked...

    15 comments:

    andrea said...

    If that's your portrait then I just don't get it! :) Seriously, though, it's a jungle out there Tarzan (must be why some of us have a death grip on monogamy, for better or worse), and sometimes you hit a bad patch and just have to back off for awhile. Don't forget that the grass is always greener... and to avoid cliches like the plague! :)

    LiVEwiRe said...

    ...but if there was a fear of commitment, how could I get taken for coming on too strong? You might come on too strong in an unconscious attempt to be overbearing or push the other person away. You stay in control while making it appear that it is their choice to go while not ever having to admit that a commitment is scary. Just an idea. I've never done it. No. Not me. Never. I swear...

    It is the question said...

    Andrea: Thanks. Yeah, sometimes I feel like that's my portrait! This certainly is a bad patch.

    Livewire: Jeez, that's like an enigma within an enigma wrapped in a mystery. This is just something that requires a lot of thought and self-examination. Funny though that the ones that work just happen.

    ChittyChittyBangBang! said...

    May be it is fear of commitment... long-term commitment. Ppl like being around you and you are fun to be with but the signals indicate that while it is fun for now, you are not in this for the long haul. Do I make any sense?
    Coming on to strong does not necessarily equate to commitment. Just means that feel strongly about the things you want, what makes you happy or how you see things going.
    Anyway, I am not the most qualified person in this area - so I will shut up for now.
    Hang in there and take a good look at the ppl around you. The right person may be right there in front of you!
    Nice pic, btw... you truly are a catch... hehehe.

    It is the question said...

    Thanks, Chit.

    Yeah, it's so difficult striking a balance between interest, commitment and easy-going.

    As for the pic, I'm thinking of having my teeth done - that should help.

    Terri said...

    You handsome committment-phobic devil... Damn, it's a pity I'm already married ;-)

    BUDDESS said...

    I am also the last one to give advice, but all I want to say is that the minute you stop searching is the minute you will see. I agree with Chitty, the person is probably right in front of you. You have been so busy searching elsewhere that you couldn't see what is right there.

    kyknoord said...

    Maybe you're a nice guy. According to Rox, the rogue gets the girl. True? Dunno. I've been out of the dating scene too long to even guess.
    [mralwy - Mister Railway]

    It is the question said...

    Terri: Yes...

    Buddes: [Looks behind himself] I swear, if they're around I can't see them - other than the girl of my dreams who rejected me. And I'm not going back there...

    KN: Believe it or not I know a lot of that stuff. See here. That's it. I will now treat woman like shit and become a total asshole. Sure to work.

    Terri said...

    Well, well, well. That link to your previous post has certainly opened up a whole new can of worms.
    Your idea that women have a screening process is pretty interesting actually, although I would say it takes place on a subconscious level - at least at first.
    Obviously there is the whole looks thing - I've always been a sucker for the tall dark & handsome look - but that is meaningless without something else, which can be established within minutes of meeting someone. Case in point: my husband, although tall, is closer to blonde, with blue eyes, whereas I always fantasized about deep brown eyes. What attracted me to him was his underlying strength, and the fact that he made me laugh. Maybe I was lucky - he has a bit of a bad-boy in him but he also makes me feel safe.
    But at the time? All I knew was that I REALLY wanted to kiss him ;-)
    The funny thing is, I don't have, nor do I want, nor DID I want to have children. But I'd say the father-effect is a huge part of the attraction - not as a conscious thought, but as an instinct.

    Sjoe! That'll teach you to say stuff that starts me thinking!!

    ndnryda - No dinner for Yoda?

    eKapa said...

    don't get me started on this. relationships, meeting someone right - damn, it all seems too hard to even begin to comprehend. i feel your frustration; really!

    but who know - perhaps one day guys like you and me will find someone. and in so doing, will bring some truth to hope.

    It is the question said...

    Terri: Can of worms indeed. The wierd thing is that even knowing all that stuff, we still screw up and become victims to our emotions again.

    Ekapa: You're in Joburg tonight (read your post on your blog. You're not meeting me are you? Oh my goodness...

    (Ironic, I can't find anyone in Jo'burg, you can't find anyone in Cape Town...)

    eKapa said...

    perhaps we should stop looking, even if it's in a passive form.

    BUDDESS said...

    Me thinks you and ekapa should please arrange to meet!!!Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

    It is the question said...

    eKapa: I think that is the key - if somebody feels like they're being evaluated, they tend to run. It's when things are casual and friendly that they tend to happen. HOWEVER, you do have to create opportunities to meet potential candidates...

    Buddess: Only if you're willing to end up with two fairly empty looking blogs - 'cause we wouldn't be able to blog about anything remotely personal anymore...