How do I get through this?

I'm totally in love again. I've been I love with four people now. Three straight guys who are unavailable. And a girl who married someone else. The fatal attractions. The third straight guy who is unavailable is R, recently married. I love being around him, playing golf, etc. He's open minded - one of his best friends is gay - loves sport, etc. It's that love where you notice all the mannerisms, his hands, eyes, etc.

And while I grow closer to him and love him more and more, I know it will go nowhere. And it's killing me. I'm near depression again. I've now reached the desperation of trying the out and out gay pick up site Mamba's Meetmarket - the name says it all.

All the whys. Why can't he have been available to the anonymous email? Why another straight guy?

Damn. With apologies to Fight Club, this is my life and I'm dying one unrequited love at a time.