Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Why is Chuck Norris suddenly the rage?

Any of you reading stuff on the net or watching the South African side playing cricket might have wondered why there are so many Chuck Norris barbs going round (at the cricket, a banner was raised saying "Not even Chuck Norris can save Australia now!").

I found the article below on iAfrica.com. It shows the power of the Internet in todays world. What a brilliant website idea - bet those guys are making a fortune.

I will now shamelessly copy this idea to build a ChittyFacts website. Why? Well you obviously haven't read about his spandex exploits then...

Everybody's got Chuck fever

Tim Gane
Tue, 14 Mar 2006
Photo: iafrica.com
If your inbox has been jammed with emails about a certain ageing karate-chopping TV star, then you probably already know what actually happened at Sunday's monumental one day cricket international.

Chasing Australia's target of 434, South Africa was in 'fact' at one stage 135 for the loss of nine wickets in the 49th over.

Chuck Norris, batting at number ten, then hit 300 off the last four balls to claim victory for SA.

At the post-match presentation, he roundhouse kicked Ricky Ponting in the face to show his dissatisfaction with the challenge the Aussies had set South Africa. Then, to celebrate, he ate Herschelle Gibbs and turned off the lights in Cape Town.

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits

This is what Chuck Norris fever has come to. Anything and everything can be attributed to the 65-year-old karate king/actor/producer/singer.

If the power at Koeberg comes on, it's because Chuck urinated in the generator. If President Thabo Mbeki is allowed to run for a third term, it will not be because the Constitution has changed, but rather that Chuck Norris would hate to see the president having more time on his hands to play golf or contemplate the link between HIV and Aids.

The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris, and according to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick you into yesterday, and so on and so on, forwarded email by forwarded email.

But of all the B-grade actors to rise to mythical superstardom — why on earth Chuck Norris?

Chuck Norris can speak braille

Perhaps it's down to grooming. David Hasslehoff’s meteoric rise to that most worshipped of cult icon, 'The Hoff', might have had something to do with his talking car and entourage of pneumatic female lifesavers, but without doubt his perfect bouffant played a major role too.

But apart from a meticulously groomed beard, all Chuck's ever given us is 203 episodes too many of 'Walker Texas Ranger', a host of bad action flicks — the 'Missing in Action' trilogy is a case in point — and an ill-advised foray into pop-singing.

Whatever the reason, the Chuck Norris phenomenon is a perfect illustration of how the internet can make a local joke go global, and permeate popular culture, in the space of a few months. Only Chuck Norris could know how many work hours have been lost to people spending their days crafting the latest Chuck Norris 'fact'.

Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors

The rapid spread of the absurdist 'facts' started a year ago, when 17-year-old university student Ian Spector and fellow web designer Mike Lelli launched a Norris 'fact' generator website — hot on the heels of a similar Vin Diesel and Mr T 'fact' site.

Spector told the Washington Post that he has now collected around 8000 Norris 'facts' and plans to produce a Chuck Norris 'facts' book and calendar. So how does Spector explain the 500 000 to 800 000 hits the site gets everyday?

"It’s interesting — most people don't know his work, but they know his character. He's cool and calm, but he can kick butt," Spector told the Arizona Daily Star.

But Spector certainly isn’t the only one to benefit from Chuck Norris euphoria. At www.chucknorrisfacts.com, devoted fans can design and purchase T-shirts, complete with their favourite Chuck Norris 'fact'.

And what does the man himself think of all this?

Responding to his recent fame, Mr Norris responds with the eloquence and insight we can expect from the deeply complex characters he has played over the past 30 years.

"I've seen some of them. Some are funny. Some are pretty far out. Being more a student of the Wild West than the wild world of the internet, I'm not quite sure what to make of it.

Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile

"It's quite surprising. I do know that boys will be boys, and I neither take offence nor take these things too seriously.

"Who knows, maybe these made up one-liners will prompt young people to seek out the real facts as found in my recent autobiographical book, 'Against All Odds?' They may even be interested enough to check out my novels set in the Old West, 'The Justice Riders,' released this month. I'm very proud of these literary efforts," Norris said in a statement on his website.

And why Chuck? Perhaps we need a saviour; perhaps we need to believe that man can solve all problems with a well-trimmed beard and a roundhouse kick.

Or perhaps it's because, as the 'old' saying goes, there are only two types of people in this world: Those who are scared of Chuck Norris... and Chuck Norris.

Useful links:


Favourite Chuck Norris 'facts'

There is no chin under Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

When Google can't find something, it asks Chuck Norris for help.

When the boogieman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

When Chuck Norris exercises, the machine gets stronger.

Chuck Norris uses Viagra eyedrops so he can look hard.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Chuck Norris once had a third testicle. He cut it off, shaved it, and threw it into the ocean. It's now commonly known as Australia.

Chuck Norris runs with scissors.

When Chuck Norris was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.

Chuck Norris won the Tour de France on a unicycle just to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal.

Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting, because hunting implies a chance of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.

3 comments:

kyknoord said...

A brilliant idea! Here's one: Chitty makes Casanova look like a wanker.

ChittyChittyBangBang! said...

I don't have a clever come-back as yet, but I wil have one... SOON!!!
Beware.

Mike said...

On the topic of Chuck vs The Hoff ... check out Drop It Like Its Hoff at www.dropitlikeitshoff.com - site dedicated to The Hoff