Sunday, October 05, 2014

Another love lost?

Thank you for allowing me to be close. For returning my love and friendship. Thank you for the genuine and generous hugs. Thank you for always being up for a run. For wanting to do things with me. Thank you for listening. Thank you for trusting me. Thank you for thinking of me and my birthday in the frantic lead up to your wedding. Thank you for making me feel so special as you walked me to my car after your wedding and the goodbye hugs. Thank you for the whatsapps after your wedding. Thank you for being brave enough to tell me you loved me too. Thank you for coming to Cape Town with me to run a race. Thank you for the huge hug as I finished my race. Thank you for the special weekend that we shared. For the barefoot walk on the beach. I love you more than words can express. I am in love with you. I have been in love more than once. This time is different. It's as though something in our hearts fits. That we make one another better. I catch my breath at the sight of you. Your beautiful smile, your amazing laugh. Your singing stories with your animated body language. Your lack of pretension. Your loyalty. Your incredible intellect. Your beautiful body. Your skinny legs. Your soft ears. Your sparkling eyes. It couldn't be more complicated. You're married. You're an employee. You are so much younger than me. I'd risk everything if this was the right thing - my business, my house, everything. You are the person I'd just get on a plane with knowing nothing more than I'm spending the rest of my life with you. But all I can do is know all of this, feel this way - and bury it all. Unless you feel the same way - and show me a sign. And I pray for that. I beg that you'll tell me you feel the same way. Desperate for you to tell me something before things become irreversible as a kid arrives. I desperately hope that if you feel the same way you will know that as complicated as finding a way might be, it is the only right thing to do. I long to spend the rest of my life with you. To have long dinners talking about our life and thoughts. To play golf on a Sunday morning. To run with you each morning before work. To shower with you. To lie naked on the couch with you as we watch Sunday sport. To show you places I have gone and see the places you hold special. To explore new places together. To spend hours in the bush watching game. To walk for miles along the beach. And I long to fall asleep with you in my arms. And to wake up in yours.

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