tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-92928872024-03-13T14:59:23.049+02:00It is the question that drives us madI question everything. Some of my questions might be profound. Others based on something trivial I see...It is the questionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12934924254713308679noreply@blogger.comBlogger264125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9292887.post-18736479693183910742015-01-24T18:12:00.000+02:002015-01-24T18:12:03.817+02:00How do you come out to someone you love?I'm so in love with my best friend. He has become the most incredible part of my life. It has killed me that I am in love with someone who cannot love me - again.<br />
<br />
Straight, married, an employee. It just could not be more complicated.<br />
<br />
I have agonised over coming out to S. I worried that I would lose the closeness of a best friend. Someone who loved me unreservedly. Hugged me. Told me that he loved me. Worried about me.<br />
<br />
And I also knew that not coming out was self-defeating. If S felt anything for me, it would require incredible bravery for him to do anything. If our friendship survived coming out - and he felt anything for me - at least he would ONLY have to overcome his own inhibitions. But I worried so much that a wall would go up. That he would put distance between us. That the closeness that I treasure would be lost. But I knew that regardless of the consequences, I had to be completely open with my best friend.<br />
<br />
So I wrote S a letter which I kept on my phone. I showed it to him about a week ago.<br />
<br />
He has been amazing. His response has emphasized why I love him so much. He hugged me for a very long time after reading my letter. We chatted for hours afterward. We had another chat about a week afterwards. We covered pretty much everything. He seemed to want to ask if I was in love with him but didn't. I didn't volunteer that. I think he can see it and has enough to deal with now.<br />
<br />
I am still desperately worried things will deteriorate and I am depressed about not being able to be with him. But at least we can move forward honestly and openly.<br />
<br />
Here's my letter.<br />
<br />
________<br />
<br />
<blockquote><br />
You know that you are my best friend? That I love you?<br />
<br />
I don't want to keep anything from you. I could just be your boss and not write this letter. But I can't be your close friend and not.<br />
<br />
I've got something really difficult to tell you. It's important that I tell you as my best friend, but I'm scared it could cost us our friendship and more.<br />
<br />
I need you to read this slowly and carefully. Read the whole thing, don't take anything out of context. It is the most important and difficult thing I've ever written. So I apologise it's long. I think I need to get as much as possible out here. You'll have other questions afterwards and over time. But this should remove the questions you might feel too awkward to ask.<br />
<br />
I am gay. Bi, but more into guys than girls. It shouldn't be a big deal. I'm a normal guy - "our people" ☺ - I love sports, doing guy things, etc. I just happen to like other guys. Maybe in 100 years it will be like preferring blondes to brunettes.<br />
<br />
For me, being gay just means I happen to like guys. I could marry, have kids, do all the things guy/girl couples do. In addition, I get to share guy interests such as sport, competition, etc with the person I love. Nothing about being gay defines me - it doesn't make me less of a man, less stable, less brave, less scared, less successful or more creative, more emotional, more loving, more effeminate - anything.<br />
<br />
I think that straight / gayness is a spectrum. Maybe that just makes it easier for me. But I think we end up somewhere on that spectrum a result of DNA, chemical make-up, formative experiences, relationships with parents and family, our upbringing and the strong belief systems imbued in us about what is normal, right / wrong. I don't think you are just gay or straight. I don't think you choose - who would choose to be seen as abnormal, inferior, less? I think that most guys will just shut off any thoughts of being anything more than a friend with, "I'm not gay / I can't be gay / I don't want to be gay." I've given up trying to figure out what made me end up on my place on that spectrum. It became healthier just to get on with life and find the person I loved most.<br />
<br />
I do think I'm worth a lot as a partner - to a guy or a girl. I have not been able to find the person I love, that sees that and loves / is able to love me.<br />
<br />
I am attracted to very, very few people. Even models - male or female. Once in a blue moon, I will see someone in a mall and think they're hot.<br />
<br />
I have been in love 4 times. 3 guys and one girl. The three guys are straight. Nobody has been able to love me as much as / in the same way I love them. Each time that has triggered deep depression and sadness.<br />
<br />
There have been relationships and sex with some girls and some guys. I've had a few relationships with girls. I have had one longer term relationship with a guy.<br />
<br />
I was in love with N and could well have married her. I first met her when I was 21 and thought she was the most beautiful girl I'd ever met. I finally got the chance to go out with her when I was about 30. She had a cocaine problem and was in love with her ex. I wrote her a letter about giving up coke if she wanted to stay with me. Ultimately I never gave it to her as she went back to the ex who she is now married to. She kept some contact before marrying, almost as though testing whether she had made the right decision, and then cut me off.<br />
<br />
My relationship with G was not healthy. We were very different in terms of interests. He has a lot of issues he struggled to deal with. I knew breaking up with him might trigger suicide. But I knew I had to - or I'd be staying in the relationship more for his sake than because he was the best person for me. He tried suicide twice as a result. I rescued him both times almost not making it the second time. Breaking up was still the right thing to do. I still love him, we are still friends but was never in love with him.<br />
<br />
Beyond relationships, right now and for a long time to come, being gay is a very big deal.<br />
<br />
Coming to terms with the stereotypes and labels that come with being gay is really hard. I hate the stereotypes. I have effeminate friends who are not gay. There are plenty of gay guys who people would never think are. And it shouldn't matter either way. Effeminate, being less of a man, being less accepted or different, not being normal are all the things that people think. It is difficult for straight friends of gay guys ("guilt" by association). Guys make posturing statements to demonstrate how ungay they are. It is difficult for gay guys too. Even gay guys have a whole system of naming categories of gay guys - fems, fats, bears, muscle marys, screaming queens, etc. I catch myself feeling awkward with overly effeminate types - "What if people associate me as one of them?" I, like most guys, feel uncomfortable being checked out by a guy - it triggers that concern, "Do I come across as available / gay?". That insecurity belies the fact that we see it as a bad thing - OK for others, but as long as it is not us. Until we don't feel those insecurities, we all harbour some level of bigotry.<br />
<br />
I am not out, and only recently told my parents. I excuse that by saying I don't want pressure on future girlfriends or a wife - of people second guessing whether it is real. That is a concern, but I will probably settle with a guy and so I will come out sooner or later. That will probably be to closer friends and when asked rather than as a general badge.<br />
<br />
I want those close to me to be close and natural - not distance themselves because they, their girlfriends or their wives feel uncomfortable. Most guys would not put themselves in a situation where they could become close to a gay friend if they knew they were gay from the beginning. That is a big sadness related to being out one day.<br />
<br />
And not being out means I get to hear the "normal" / posturing things that guys say, knowing they are indirectly saying that about me.<br />
<br />
Ultimately I don't care losing bigoted "friends" or family. I don't think I have any of those, although I think unless we can all say "I have no problem being thought of as gay / being gay", be willing to experiment and be open to the result, then we all harbor some of degree of bigotry. I guess that is a radical view, but I am not a supporter of pride or any of the "in-your-face" movements.<br />
<br />
Being gay is a big deal on a much more personal level.<br />
<br />
I am terrified of losing you as a friend and even as an employee after coming out to you. Or merely being less close than we currently are. I don't ever want you to feel awkward or shy or limited around me as a result.<br />
<br />
2014 was amazing. I found a new best friend. I had an opportunity to spend lots of time with you, the runs, the beer chats, music, your pre-wedding drinks, the Run weekend, etc. You told me you think I'm awesome and I shared so much about what I think with you. You have showed how much you care about me regularly. I am stunned by how quickly you have become so close and allowed me to be close. I am stunned at how quickly I have got close to you. While I have hundreds of friends, I am close to a few people and very close to you. As I said to you, you are one of the best people I have ever met.<br />
<br />
You asked when I would party with you the way JY partied with me, you suggested crashing on my couch, etc. I was skeptical S would be comfortable with that. Later you pulled back - because you were worried about being fair to her. But I worried that perhaps you thought that perhaps I was gay and you were uncomfortable. You seemed nervous at my house. As I grew close to you, I knew coming out to you was inevitable, but I worried about that discomfort.<br />
<br />
Many of my friends suspect that I am gay, but I have only told about 8 of my closest friends.<br />
<br />
I lost one of my best friends R as a result of coming out and being close to him. Not because he disapproved (two of his other best friends are gay), but because I think his wife was insecure about how close we were. He wanted to motor bike through Africa with me knowing I was gay. Later, I got cut out of his life completely. It has been over a year and a half and it hurts almost every day.<br />
<br />
My friend C is one of my most open-minded friends - in theory. I was his best friend. We talked about everything. But he has said some hurtful things and put distance between us. When he is out from Dubai, he avoids time alone with me now.<br />
<br />
I have been in love with my friend M for almost 20 years. It has been tough for him. Before he knew I was gay, I was already disliked by one of his girlfriends because of how close we were. We did not speak for two years after I came out to him. Not because he disapproved. But I guess mainly due to the pain and discomfort related to my feelings for him. After that I have seen that he has battled with wondering what my attraction says about him and if that might pose questions about perceptions of his sexuality / availability. He has often felt the need to subtly remind me he is unavailable. He has worried that my support and opinions of his success are influenced by my attraction to him. His concerns hurt every time.<br />
<br />
Other than that M has been great. He and my friend J are the only ones who know about G's suicide attempts and what I went through. He has crashed on my couch on trips to Joburg, we have showered after golf, he hugs me, he makes an effort to see me, etc. His wife seems to be unbothered by things even knowing I have been in love with him. I remain in love with him but know he is unavailable.<br />
<br />
My other friends have reacted supportively and remain close if not closer.<br />
<br />
My friend R2 and his wife are the most amazing. His wife lets him go away to the bush with me. We have spent days by ourselves together, shared hotel beds, changed together. He hugs me and talks about absolutely anything with me. I am his best friend. He has known I am gay for a long time and always been unapologetic about being close and doing things with me. He and I often clubbed together. We were once (unknown to us) tailed by his jealous and suspicious girlfriend at the time.<br />
<br />
My friend J is incredible. He talks about anything with me, we have boys times together drinking, partying, etc. We run together. He comes to my house for braais and drinks between the two of us. He admires me, I admire him, and we lean on one another. He was the first person I told. I think we're much closer since then. He's the guy who listens when I talk about the kind of stuff in this letter. He is pretty much the only one I have talked to about the stuff in this letter. I love him so much.<br />
<br />
Most recently I told J2. He and I have been friends since we were 6. I knew he had been through hell with a divorce, drugs, etc. I told him while sharing about the various hells I'd lived through. I found out about his attempted suicide and that he's dealt with sexuality issues too.<br />
<br />
My friend N2 adores me and has been great. We have talked about what being gay is like, sex, etc. We shower and change after golf. His wife is less secure, especially since I told him I was gay. Where he previously came to Joburg to stay at my house and play golf with me, he has not been able to come for years. When he came to Joburg last year, his wife came with.<br />
<br />
How much you tell S (or anyone else) about all of this and the subsequent conversations is your choice and beyond my control. I'd like you to consider that very carefully. I'd prefer it was between us, but I understand if you feel you have to tell S something about all this. While you and S might have talked about whether I am gay or not, there is a difference knowing. And knowing all the detail in this letter.<br />
<br />
You're unavailable. In all the aspects of that word - straight, married, an employee. (You never need to tell or demonstrate to me how straight you are. Or how unavailable you are. Don't watch what you say in case I get the wrong idea. That stuff just hurts.) All I can be is the best friend you will allow me to be.<br />
<br />
You know S and whether she would be uncomfortable with how close we are, whether you went out drinking late nights with me, worked a long series of late nights with me, travelled with me (work or otherwise), etc. You will know if she might be so uncomfortable that working with me at all is too much. That is no comment about how fantastic she is or not. It was no comment on R or N2 or their wives. It is just part of this. (I know you how much you love S and how good she has been and is for you. I meant what I said. You are amazing, she has been part of your life for 9 years and must have contributed to that in a big way.)<br />
<br />
Besides S, this could be too uncomfortable for you and I could lose you because of that. You could move on and cut me off. You could avoid time alone with me.<br />
<br />
I want to do the things we do and more, time and being fair to S allowing. You can run with me. You can play golf with me. You can watch sports with me. You can braai with me. You can get drunk with me. You can sleep on my couch. You can go away with me. You can watch concerts with me. You can hug me. You can talk to me about sex. You can ask me about me being gay. You can tell me that I'm awesome. You can tell me that you love me. You can change with me. You don't have to feel awkward about anything with me. You must have any subsequent conversations with me you need or want to. Don't wonder about anything. If we remain close, I don't think there is anything more difficult than sharing this with you given the risk of losing you.<br />
<br />
I want you to know that I always try - and almost always do the right thing - even at immense disadvantage to myself. Anything I say to you, anything I have said to you, how I work with you, how I have worked with you, my friendship with you, etc is based on that. I have the highest standards and ethics and demand those from you. Everything you get from me as a friend and employee you have earned and then some.<br />
<br />
But you are my best friend. I adore you. That's why I had to tell you. I am scared to death that I might lose you as a result.<br /></blockquote>
<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer"><br/><img src="http://c12.statcounter.com/counter.php?sc_project=1412450&java=0&security=8ccb4782&invisible=0" /></div>It is the questionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12934924254713308679noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9292887.post-40669686917503801102014-10-05T11:56:00.002+02:002014-10-19T14:55:01.650+02:00Another love lost?Thank you for allowing me to be close. For returning my love and friendship. Thank you for the genuine and generous hugs. Thank you for always being up for a run. For wanting to do things with me. Thank you for listening. Thank you for trusting me. Thank you for thinking of me and my birthday in the frantic lead up to your wedding. Thank you for making me feel so special as you walked me to my car after your wedding and the goodbye hugs. Thank you for the whatsapps after your wedding. Thank you for being brave enough to tell me you loved me too. Thank you for coming to Cape Town with me to run a race. Thank you for the huge hug as I finished my race. Thank you for the special weekend that we shared. For the barefoot walk on the beach.
I love you more than words can express. I am in love with you. I have been in love more than once. This time is different. It's as though something in our hearts fits. That we make one another better.
I catch my breath at the sight of you. Your beautiful smile, your amazing laugh. Your singing stories with your animated body language. Your lack of pretension. Your loyalty. Your incredible intellect. Your beautiful body. Your skinny legs. Your soft ears. Your sparkling eyes.
It couldn't be more complicated. You're married. You're an employee. You are so much younger than me.
I'd risk everything if this was the right thing - my business, my house, everything. You are the person I'd just get on a plane with knowing nothing more than I'm spending the rest of my life with you.
But all I can do is know all of this, feel this way - and bury it all.
Unless you feel the same way - and show me a sign. And I pray for that. I beg that you'll tell me you feel the same way. Desperate for you to tell me something before things become irreversible as a kid arrives. I desperately hope that if you feel the same way you will know that as complicated as finding a way might be, it is the only right thing to do.
I long to spend the rest of my life with you. To have long dinners talking about our life and thoughts. To play golf on a Sunday morning. To run with you each morning before work. To shower with you. To lie naked on the couch with you as we watch Sunday sport. To show you places I have gone and see the places you hold special. To explore new places together. To spend hours in the bush watching game. To walk for miles along the beach. And I long to fall asleep with you in my arms. And to wake up in yours.
<div class="blogger-post-footer"><br/><img src="http://c12.statcounter.com/counter.php?sc_project=1412450&java=0&security=8ccb4782&invisible=0" /></div>It is the questionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12934924254713308679noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9292887.post-16436477803070321892011-03-23T06:59:00.004+02:002011-03-23T07:05:17.152+02:00Does your dreaming have a deeper meaning?I'm struggling to get rid of a sinusitis left over from a cold. I have horrific sinuses that generally behave badly.<br /><br />So last night I dreamt I was consulting House, the TV doctor.<br /><br />In the dream, a friend was moving away (overseas or something) and I was sick. House (through incredible powers of deduction and detection that I actually had a friend that was moving away) prescribed some happy pills saying my illness was caused by the stress, loneliness and unhappiness of my friend moving away.<br /><br />Wow. That seems a little close to the bone.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><br/><img src="http://c12.statcounter.com/counter.php?sc_project=1412450&java=0&security=8ccb4782&invisible=0" /></div>It is the questionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12934924254713308679noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9292887.post-69592186041965759962010-08-15T22:40:00.003+02:002010-08-15T23:11:50.159+02:00How stupid does the ANC think we are?The debate about the ANC's media bill continues.<br /><br />The latest is Jacob Zuma's letter admonishing anybody for arguing against it.<br /><br />The <a href="http://www.thedailymaverick.co.za/opinionista/2010-08-15-deconstructing-zuma-and-his-letter-on-the-media-tribunal">Daily Maverick</a> has a good analysis of the key parts.<br /><br />The ANC argues that nobody should worry about them using the media laws for censorhsip or other evil. They are the ANC and elected due to their strong moral compass.<br /><br />The one simple arrow that shoots straight to the heart of the ANC's argument is this: the test of a good law is whether the lawmaker would be comfortable with the law in another party's hands. Would the ANC be happy if the proposed media laws were used by the DA, or even the old NP?<div class="blogger-post-footer"><br/><img src="http://c12.statcounter.com/counter.php?sc_project=1412450&java=0&security=8ccb4782&invisible=0" /></div>It is the questionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12934924254713308679noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9292887.post-180079642196528662010-08-06T21:12:00.001+02:002010-08-06T21:12:20.434+02:00When will the new south african political activism start?This past week has surely been my most frightening in the new south african context.<p>The arrest and detention of Mzilikazi wa Afrika (<a href="http://www.thedailymaverick.co.za/article/2010-08-06-mzilikazi-wa-afrika-and-the-shape-of-things-to-come">http://www.thedailymaverick.co.za/article/2010-08-06-mzilikazi-wa-afrika-and-the-shape-of-things-to-come</a>) and the furore about the anc's attempts to clamp down on press freedom mark the most worrying event since chris hani's assassination.<p>I previously blogged about the arrest of a jogger for showing the finger at president zuma's cavalcade. Stringing these events together appears to show a governing party increasingly favouring the authoritarian style of zanu pf and other parties to our north.<p>Given the shocking levels of corruption and crime in south africa, when will people begin to rise up and say enough is enough? When will the songs be written and the concerts be organised? When will people march demanding change?<p>Surely it is getting to that stage.<br>Sent via my BlackBerry<div class="blogger-post-footer"><br/><img src="http://c12.statcounter.com/counter.php?sc_project=1412450&java=0&security=8ccb4782&invisible=0" /></div>It is the questionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12934924254713308679noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9292887.post-77333899173382058522010-03-22T22:54:00.005+02:002010-03-23T08:59:41.950+02:00Do they show South African city workers Discovery?Just watched Discovery HD's "NYC Inside Out."<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i44.tinypic.com/2hp4or9.jpg"/></center><br /><br />Wow. NYC's intesnity is something else. Workers there work like there is no tomorrow.<br /><br />I've once watched workers retarring a New York street. Now NYC streets are often pretty awful - covered in steel plating and cones over sewers. But watching the workers retarring a street is poetry in high gear. They move in en masse. Any parked cars that are not moved are lifted and put on the sidewalk - nothing stops the machine.<br /><br />New Yorkers also talk the game constantly. The workers shout aggressively as though there is no one more important.<br /><br />Watching this episode on Discovery, shows just that kind of experience. Water workers excavating at night to join buildings to the grid so as not to knock out the water supply. Layered concrete below the tarmac to protect the piping. And all done at frentic pace and high audio volume. You can quite imagine the shift boss getting an ulcer from the stress.<br /><br />If only our workers could see this. Man. They've been working on the water in my suburb for 3 months! And Joburg's road quality problems are now the stuff of legend.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><br/><img src="http://c12.statcounter.com/counter.php?sc_project=1412450&java=0&security=8ccb4782&invisible=0" /></div>It is the questionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12934924254713308679noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9292887.post-69402910016392581462010-03-02T21:12:00.002+02:002010-03-02T22:02:42.497+02:00Am I doomed to repeat this?I'm struggling right now.<br /><br />I <a href="http://itisthequestion.blogspot.com/2009/07/how-do-i-get-through-this.html">mentioned I'm in love again</a>. And <a href="http://itisthequestion.blogspot.com/2009/05/fatal-attractions.html">here</a>.<br /><br />After not seeing R for a long time while I was away and then he was busy with work, I saw quite a bit of him last week. I loved every moment. Braaing, out drinking and playing golf. Loved just chatting and shooting the breeze. Loved being close to him.<br /><br />He seems at ease with me and we're just like a couple of boys together.<br /><br />And it's that old thing of being grateful for each moment, but knowing that it will go no further. Seemingly pleasure and agony in equal measure.<br /><br />Over the past year I've looked for people who are accessible - on Datingbuzz and Mamba. The guys I'm interested in are not interested in me. I'm not sure why. But it seems that the people I'm destined to love - and those I might - are unreachable.<br /><br />I'm meeting with someone off Mamba for coffee tomorrow. He's not long term potential - I'm 36 and he is 23. But it might be fun, and I could do with some of that.<br /><br /><br />But even with that I'm just cut up about R.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><br/><img src="http://c12.statcounter.com/counter.php?sc_project=1412450&java=0&security=8ccb4782&invisible=0" /></div>It is the questionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12934924254713308679noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9292887.post-32021440617607070332010-02-16T21:02:00.005+02:002010-02-17T16:43:59.470+02:00It's illegal to zap / swear at the president?I cannot believe this story!<br /><br />It sounds like something out of the days of apartheid, with policemen bundling someone into a car with a bag over their head and NIA agents raiding their house.<br /><br />I am so angry! To me, this is the equivalent of flag burning - or even more acceptable - in the realms of freedom of speech.<br /><br />After recently watching Invictus and marvelling at Mandela's approach to his security in the spirit of reconciliation, this contrast reminds me of the madness of Mugabe.<br /><br />Frankly, much of Zuma's conduct with respect to corruption, rewarding those who helped quash charges against him, and his sleeping around reminds me of Mugabe.<br /><br /><i><b>Man swore at president, says ministry</b><br /><br /><a href="http://www.iol.co.za/index.php?from=rss_News&set_id=1&click_id=79&art_id=nw20100216135421604C153267">From Iol</a><br /><br />February 16 2010 at 06:20PM<br /><br />The 25-year-old student arrested for "waving" at President Jacob Zuma's convoy last week swore at the president and resisted arrest, a spokesman has said.<br /><br />Police Ministry spokesman Zweli Mnisi said Chumani Maxwele had pointed his middle finger at the president. He said this gesture was synonymous with swearing and showing disrespect.<br /><br />"No person is permitted to use foul language, swear at another individual, especially as such conduct may lead to promoting hate conduct in the Republic," said Mnisi.<br /><br />The Sowetan reported on Tuesday that Maxwele had been arrested for "waving on" Zuma's convoy while jogging in De Waal Drive, Cape Town.<br /><br />A black BMW pulled up and three men jumped out, allegedly pointing guns at him. He was then pushed into a car. A bag was pulled over his head and he was then allegedly taken to Zuma's residence before being taken to the Mowbray police station.<br /><br />Maxwele, an active ANC member, was held for just under 24 hours. He was allegedly interrogated by intelligence agents who asked for, among other things, the names of his friends and the name of the chairmen of his ANC branch.<br /><br />He said his house had been raided by plainclothes policemen while he was in custody. He was released before appearing in court.<br /><br />Mnisi said Maxwele had become aggressive on the day of the incident when the police stopped to question him about his actions.<br /><br />"He became aggressive and began to swear at them. They then arrested him, charged him with crimen injuria and resisting arrest," said Mnisi.<br /><br />"He was detained and later transferred to Mowbray Police Station, which has jurisdiction over the area of offence."<br /><br />Mnisi called Maxwele's conduct towards the police "unacceptable".<br /><br />"It will not be tolerated," he said.<br /><br />Mnisi declined to comment about allegations that agents of the National Intelligence Agency had raided Maxwele's house or interrogated him.<br /><br />"We further need to clarify that the matter was handled solely by the police, as it forms part of our mandate of protecting all VIPs," said Mnisi.<br /><br />He did not answer a question about whether Zuma himself had pressed charges against Mxwele.<br /><br />Zizi Kodwa, the president's spokesman, declined to comment, claiming it was a "security issue". - Sapa</i><div class="blogger-post-footer"><br/><img src="http://c12.statcounter.com/counter.php?sc_project=1412450&java=0&security=8ccb4782&invisible=0" /></div>It is the questionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12934924254713308679noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9292887.post-34895388330324428682009-10-07T09:40:00.003+02:002009-10-07T09:51:56.591+02:00UPDATE: Is this the fall of the US?Wow!<br /><br />New in today is that the gulf states are reconsidering the pricing of oil in US Dollars. They're considering a basket of currencies and commodities.<br /><br />This is exactly what I suggested might be the outcome in my previous post. Do the sheiks read this blog....?<br /><br /><a href="<br />http://itisthequestion.blogspot.com/2009/03/fall-of-us.html">http://itisthequestion.blogspot.com/2009/03/fall-of-us.html</a><br /><br />The US Dollar could only defy gravity for so long. The crime as been the US government and Fed presiding over deficits for this length of time.<br /><br />It is equivalent to a household borrowing money to pay for living expenses (including lots of luxuries) and then each month getting more debt to pay for further expenses - and to pay off the previous month's debt. Eventually, banks are going to say, "Hey, we'd don't believe you'll be able to pay us back."<br /><br />Now imagine the household is buying on credit at stores and borrowing money from banks to pay off the accounts. Imagine the sore keeper starts to get worried about your ability to borrow to pay your account, and stops giving you further credit.<br /><br />That is exactly the situation the US faces.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><br/><img src="http://c12.statcounter.com/counter.php?sc_project=1412450&java=0&security=8ccb4782&invisible=0" /></div>It is the questionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12934924254713308679noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9292887.post-78414611700084793872009-09-15T08:23:00.002+02:002009-09-15T08:43:56.561+02:00Are traditions sacred? Who will stop the dolphin and whale culls?I read <a href="http://www.mg.co.za/article/2009-09-15-dolphin-slaughter-turns-sea-red-as-japan-hunting-season-returns">this story</a> this morning about the annual dolphin and whale cull in Taiji, Japan.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.orcanetwork.org/captivity/imagescap/imga3147m2.jpg"/></center><br /><br />I felt sick to my stomach.<br /><br />It reminds me of the debate about ritual slaughters of goats and cattle in South Africa, where Xhosa people viewed the criticism of backyard slaughters as racist.<br /><br /><b>"Dolphin-killing may be bad for our international image, but we can't just issue an order for it to stop."<br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.earthweek.com/online/ew070302/ew070302c.jpg"/></center><br /><br />"I think we are the victims of a form of racism," said one, as we watched the pilot whales being herded out of sight to be killed. "Westerners slaughter cattle and other animals in the most inhumane ways imaginable, but no one says a word. Why is it that only Japan gets this kind of treatment?"</b><br /><br />Sounds very familiar.<br /><br />The point is that slaughter of any form is regrettable. That animals have to die that we may eat. However, if animals are brought up and slaughtered in a humane way, this at least draws from a sustainable resource in a way that minimizes stress and suffering.<br /><br />The slaughter of whales and dolphins satisfies a blood lust preserved in the name of tradition, attacks threatened species, and causes massive suffering to the most intelligent animals.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i402.photobucket.com/albums/pp109/sealhuntdfocanada/JapaneseTaijiFishermanStabbingaDolp.jpg"/></center><div class="blogger-post-footer"><br/><img src="http://c12.statcounter.com/counter.php?sc_project=1412450&java=0&security=8ccb4782&invisible=0" /></div>It is the questionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12934924254713308679noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9292887.post-34189933573525719392009-09-13T19:53:00.005+02:002009-09-14T08:42:08.654+02:00What technologies make mobile life easier?The rush and movement of my holiday necessitated getting my communication optimised. I arrived in the UK and loaded a Vodafone pre-paid SIM bought on a previous trip. It did not work. Vodafone expires their pre-paid SIMs after 3 months of inactivity. So I made use of roaming on my South African Vodacom account for the first two days of my holiday in the UK. I stayed in a reasonable hotel in Bayswater with Wi-Fi and began my technology upgrade.<br /><br />I downloaded Google Maps Mobile over the hotel Wi-Fi to my laptop and transferred it to my phone. What a brilliant application. It works off cell phone mast triangulation (accuracy varies depends on the masts in the area) or it can use your phone's GPS.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.google.com/mobile/products/maps.html#p=winmo"><center><img width=400 src="http://images.techtree.com/ttimages/story/99652_gps.jpg"/></center></a><br /><br />I have an HTC Touch Diamond which I bought some time back due to its full suite of technologies (wi-fi, GPS, FM radio, Bluetooth 2.0, 3.2 megapixel camera, HSDPA, 3G, EDGE, GPRS) and its size. It has an iPhone-like touch interface, but following the iPhone shortly after its launch, it had a fuller complement of technologies and was about half the size. It integrates well with email, supporting multiple IMAP and POP3 accounts. It's been a great phone with only one shortcoming - the feature set overwhelms its battery which often hardly lasts a day. The GPS has to be used in a car connected to power, or it drains the battery in about 20 minutes.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.htc.com/www/product/touchdiamond/overview.html"><center><img width=400 src="http://www.htc.com/uploadedimages/Gallery/HTC_Touch_Diamond/3-4_left_weather.jpg"/></center></a><br /><br />I also downloaded Skype for Mobile to make calls back to SA at a cheaper rate while away.<br /><br /><a href="http://skype.com/intl/en/mobile/"><center><img width=400 src="http://c.skype.com/i/images/misc/mobile_header_3phones.png"/></center></a><br /><br />I thought I had the North American maps for Co-Pilot, my Navteq-based GPS software. When I reached the US, I found I did not. I paid for the US and South African maps and then assumed I had access. But I then discovered they needed to be downloaded. As an HTC user, the maps are difficult to get hold of as CoPilot is bundled with the phone. They must be purchased and you then have to email support to get the link to download. Other users purchase the Co-Pilot software and then use its desktop console to download the maps. The North American maps were 1GB. By the time I reached Los Vegas and was about to hire a car, I discovered I did not have the maps. In discovering this I used 12mb of data on roaming while sitting at the side of the road - this alone cost me R1400. I eventually made it to my destination in Los Angeles using Google Maps. This is really not ideal as you have to read off the screen - difficult while driving and navigating the myriad of freeways in LA. CoPilot GPS has voice prompting.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.alk.com/"><center><img src="http://www.navigadget.com/wp-content/postimages/2008/07/copilot-htc-touch-diamond.jpg"/></center></a><br /><br />After making contact with Co-Pilot European support from my hotel, I downloaded 250Mb before I had to check out. I downloaded the remainder when I reached my cousins. I was now in position to use the GPS maps and verbal direction on my drive up the west coast.<br /><br />I had forgotten my iPod in South Africa and bought the new Nano in New York to listen to Depeche Mode and U2 prior to their concerts. At $199 for the 16Gb Nano, it was an expensive mistake. Now I have two...<br /><br /><a href="http://reviews.cnet.com/mp3-players/apple-ipod-nano-fourth/4505-6490_7-33247196.html"><center><img src="http://www.gosale.com/product_images/4948000/apple-ipod-nano-16gb-silver-4948863.jpg"/></center></a><br /><br />I went to the New York store RCS Experience to buy a long-life battery for my Lenovo T60 notebook. My previous battery had reached the end of its useful life, and I have always wanted something for long plane journey's etc. It was a crazily expensive purchase in South Africa, and slightly cheaper in New York ($166).<br /><br /><a href="http://www.power-batteries.net/notebook/ibm/thinkpad-t60-series.html"><center><img src="http://www.power-batteries.net/battery-picture/big/ELIB051KO1.JPG"/></center></a><br /><br />While there I found a point-and-shoot camera, to complement my Canon EOS D20. It is the truly amazing Canon Digital IXUS 960IS - it takes 12 Megapixel photos and shoots HD video. It was quite an expensive purchase (about $300) with another $65 for an 8Gb extreme speed SD card.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.usa.canon.com/consumer/controller?act=ModelInfoAct&fcategoryid=145&modelid=18289"><center><img width=400 src="http://www.trustedreviews.com/images/article/inline/11611-ixus9903quart.jpg"/></center></a><br /><br />A productivity aid I've longed for is a bluetooth keyboard for my phone. I bought a Freedom universal fold-up keyboard. It is amazing. It provides an almost full size keyboard and with office mobile on my phone, this allows me to work comfortably in a coffee shop on my phone. That cost about $80 and was one of my best purchases.<br /><br /><center><img width=400 src="http://www.negrielectronics.com/images/b139459.jpg"/></center><br /><br /><center><img width=400 src="http://www.blueunplugged.com/dbimgs/BTFREEKEY2-prod.jpg"/></center><br /><br />The truly impulse purchase was a set of binoculars. I've never had a pair, and end up using the telephoto lens on my camera in the bush. I found a cheapish pair of Bushnell binocs with an SD slot that allows you to take a 3.2 Megapixel photo of whatever you're viewing through the lens. They cost $240 - a long way short of the $3000-odd dollar starting price for Leica and other pedigrees.<br /><br /><a href="http://bushnell.com/products/binoculars/imageview/"><center><img src="http://bushnell.com/images/prod_bino_imageview.jpg"/></center></a><br /><br />I put the camera to good use and took some nice pictures and videos at the Depeche Mode and U2 Concerts, and while playing golf. I don't really do typical tourist pictures - you can always download really good ones off the net. I resolved during this trip that that was a poor excuse. In future I will look to take a good photo and help preserve a memory.<br /><br />I began this resolution in LA at Universal pictures - where I was dismayed my Canon EOS D20 stopped working. It gave a Compact Flash error, yet the CF disk worked on a flash reader. That was really irritating, especially after hauling the camera half way round the world. When I got back I reformatted the disk and it's now working again.<br /><br />I attempted to get a US pre-paid contract while in the US to reduce my burgeoning cell phone bill. I found that the US pre-paid contracts have no data portion. How irritating. That cost me a lot of money as I continued to access Google maps, etc while roaming.<br /><br />Once back in the UK, I switched to a new Vodafone pre-paid account. I had a nightmare setting the account up, which I will detail in a comprehensive bitch about Vodafone service in another post. But once on that I was able to sustain a week's comprehensive data access and calls for less than £15.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><br/><img src="http://c12.statcounter.com/counter.php?sc_project=1412450&java=0&security=8ccb4782&invisible=0" /></div>It is the questionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12934924254713308679noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9292887.post-82729672606694202942009-09-06T21:21:00.004+02:002009-09-07T06:19:41.749+02:00Could I live in New York?I wrote this on the road a few weeks back...<br /><br />New York is one of my favourite places. I have regrets that I have not lived here over the course of my life thus far.<br /><br /><center><img hieght=299 width=400 src="http://www.poster.net/silbermann-henri/silbermann-henri-manhattan-skyline-4800209.jpg"/></center><br /><br />There is an energy about this place that seems to come from the city itself - like a giant beast with its own life source. The noise is unique: trucks and subways make walls vibrate, the hum of cafes and shops, the rattle and clatter of continuous construction.<br /><br />I'm lucky to be visiting for the eighth time. I really don't want to leave to go to the West Coast - my first visit there. I've slotted right back into New York - the morning walk for coffee and breakfast, the nighttime entertainment, the museums, the bustle of business.<br /><br />I've tech-enabled my latest visit to suit the on-the-go life. I'm typing into Microsoft Word on my HTC Touch Diamond using the coolest bluetooth fold-up keyboard, I bought a Canon point and shoot, and the new iPod Nano. I'm geared for a coffee shop note, a sidewalk moment, a subway travel.<br /><br />I'm off to business meeting with a trading company shortly. Finance is the lifeblood of this city and like 9/11, it seems to have shrugged the credit crisis aside. London felt far more hard-hit as I moved through this past weekend. But the American spirit seems to have acknowledged the challenge and moved on.<br /><br />The heat here is something else. It's in the high eighties (about 30C) today with typical New York humidity. What an extreme climate. I've been here for -26C in winter and 40C in summer (with over 80% humidity).<br /><br />Could I live here? Funny. I love this place, the energy, the challenge. It is true - "if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere." But there is something about identifying with the people around you. I identify easily with the British - the South African connection is real. America is a far more insulated world. Sport is different, the rest of the world, continents away. Maybe I need a New York client, enabling me to spend regular time here.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><br/><img src="http://c12.statcounter.com/counter.php?sc_project=1412450&java=0&security=8ccb4782&invisible=0" /></div>It is the questionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12934924254713308679noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9292887.post-58256564873807440192009-09-02T20:12:00.002+02:002009-09-02T20:16:12.275+02:00What's the best South African music video ever?I saw this one by Dear Reader (formerly Harris Tweed) on MK the other night. Wow. What an achingly beautiful song and absolutely brilliant video. The video ranks up there with some of the best music videos I've seen from anywhere.<br /><br /><center><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/r_NPQN3z_e0&hl=en&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/r_NPQN3z_e0&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></center><div class="blogger-post-footer"><br/><img src="http://c12.statcounter.com/counter.php?sc_project=1412450&java=0&security=8ccb4782&invisible=0" /></div>It is the questionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12934924254713308679noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9292887.post-84936314019780982062009-08-27T10:52:00.003+02:002009-08-27T11:40:04.534+02:00Which is the best lotto site for overseas purchases?The US Megamillions jackpot stands at $325 million this Friday.<br /><br />Given that I will win this, I decided to read some small print.<br /><br />I normally buy through the PlayUKInternet.com network. I understand this is run by some South African ex-pats living in London and has done very well.<br /><br />However, there are a number of issues to consider:<br /><ol><li>Is the lottery site legit and if you won would the site pay you or disappear with your winnings?</li><br /><ol type="a"><li>The PlayUKInternet site has an established reputation and seems high-profile and reliable</li></ol><br /><li>What premium does the site charge over the actual ticket costs?</li><br /><ol type="a"><li>A Megamillions ticket costs $1 if bought at a retailer in the US.</li><br /><li>PlayUKInternet and other agency sites charge a premium for their services. Overseas residents cannot buy from in-country retailers, so agencies have people who stand in queues, process winnings, etc. This premium varies.</li><br /><li>PlayUKInternet charges £2,40 per ticket for a US Megamillions draw. They do give one voucher for every five tickets bought, effectively dropping the price to £2. That's $3,24, a premium of 224%.</li><br /><li>OSA charge a whopping €3,60 per ticket. That's $5,13, a premium of 413%!</li><br /><li>Betslips.com charge $2 per ticket, a premium of 100%</li></ol><br /><li>Does the agency have any discretion over my winnings payout?</li><br /><ol type="a"><li>PlayUKInternet take 10% of winnings awarded through them. TEN PERCENT!!!! They also have the discretion as to whether to take the winnings as an annuity or lump sum. This is only evident through reading the fine print in their terms and conditions</li><br /><li>Betslips.com takes 1% of winnings. This is also only apparent by reading their FAQ.</ol></ol><br /><br />Clearly the fine print here is important. Imagine winning the $325 million and being forced to take the lump sum payout of $204 million. I'm not sure how the percentage paid to the agency is determined (this is not clear from their terms and conditions). I would imagine it is based on the net payout. That would be $204 million less US withholding tax of 30% equals $140 million. 10% to PlayUKInternet would then be $14 million. But if calculated on a gross basis, it could be $20 million or $32,5 million. You would have to pay local taxes - let's say 6% if you were a resident of New York - although as an overseas resident it might well be higher. That moves your take home winnings towards $100 million.<br /><br />Of course $100 million is a huge amount of money, but why would you want to pay the agency anything more than their cost of administration? Why do they deserve any percentage of your winnings?<br /><br />For this reason, I bought through Overseas Subscribers Agents - osalottos.com, despite their astronomical cost per ticket. That way, when I collect my winnings, I'll not be paying them any more.<br /><br />Sheeesh. Read the fine print....<div class="blogger-post-footer"><br/><img src="http://c12.statcounter.com/counter.php?sc_project=1412450&java=0&security=8ccb4782&invisible=0" /></div>It is the questionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12934924254713308679noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9292887.post-69243161591615271912009-08-24T22:55:00.003+02:002009-08-24T23:42:21.099+02:00How do you treat Koi ulcers?I prepared the following for a friend recently. The dealer and suburb names relate to Johannesburg South Africa.<br /><br />This is the list of things I have stocked up on / treatments / methodology:<br /><br /><ol><li>Oil of Cloves - anaesthetic</li><br /><ol type="a"><li><a href="http://www.koivet.com/koivet/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=143:oil-of-cloves&catid=41:koi-how-to-information&Itemid=63">Guide and dosage</a></li><br /><li>it has a long shelf life</li><br /><li>Make sure you get dosage right – based on the bucket you use</li></ol><br /><li>Very clean (new) plastic container for dips / anaesthetic</li><br /><ol type="a"><li>I have about three of those massive (100l) ones from Pick ‘n Pay</li><br /><li>If you use an old one, make sure it has no chance of soap or other residues</li><br /><li>You can actually keep a moderately sized fish (30cm or less) in a 100l one with an air stone and water changes through a treatment period of a week or more (must have daily 10% water changes though)</li><br /><ol type="i"><li>This also substantially reduces the cost of medication (actually quite expensive) as you only dose according to the size of the container</li><br /><li>It allows you to accurately size the container and the doses</li><br /><li>It also allows you to nuke the pond with Pottassium Permanganate while the fish is in the container for a week</li></ol></ol><br /><li>Salt</li><br /><ol type="a"><li><a href="http://www.koivet.com/koivet/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=79:parasites-and-nitrites-are-controlled-with-salt&catid=36:medicine-treatments&Itemid=57">Guide and dosage</a></li><br /><li>Anti-parasite</li><br /><li>Tonic – reduces the load on a sick fish’s organs</li><br /><li>Have about 3 bags on standby.</li><br /><li>Have an empty bag so you can put a partial bag in the pond with a tied top until the salt dissolves, then you just pull the bag out</li><br /><li>Available from pool shops (such as Pool ‘n Pond in Rosebank, also Sandton Aquatics in Fourways)</li></ol><br /><li>A salt meter</li><br /><ol type="a"><li>Good but quite expensive – my digital one cost about R800</li><br /><li>I got mine from Happy Koi – I have not seen them too often</li></ol><br /><li>A sock net</li><br /><ol type="a"><li>One of the best things I ever bought</li><br /><li>Bought from Happy Koi</li><br /><li>Very soft – will not damage the fish</li><br /><li>Is basically a tube – you hold the handle and then end of the tube. To release the fish, merely release the end of the tube</li></ol><br /><li>A large koi net – about 80cm across</li><br /><ol type="a"><li>To guide the fish into the sock net</li><br /><li>Available from almost any Koi shop</li></ol><br /><li>Acriflavine – the wonder drug</li><br /><ol type="a"><li><a href="http://www.koivet.com/koivet/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=81:acriflavine&catid=36:medicine-treatments&Itemid=57">Guide and dosage</a></li><br /><li>Mostly bottled by Loolilocks on the East Rand (even other dealers sell Loolilocks Acriflavine)</li><br /><li>Safe antifungal, anti-parasite and antibiotic</li><br /><li>Very good for ulcers</li><br /><li>Quite expensive</li><br /><li>Difficult to get rid of the colour – only goes after partial water changes</li></ol><br /><li>Methylene Blue – the safe backup</li><br /><ol type="a"><li>Anti-bacterial, anti-fungal</li><br /><li>Promotes oxygen in the water</li><br /><li>Easy to get – chemists or good koi shops</li><br /><li>Don’t get ripped off – very much cheaper in chemists</li><br /><li>Difficult to get rid of the colour – only goes after partial water changes</li></ol><br /><li>Potassium permanganate - the nuclear option</li><br /><ol type="a"><li><a href="http://www.koivet.com/koivet/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=112:basics-of-kmno4-potassium-permanganate&catid=36:medicine-treatments&Itemid=57">Guide and dosage</a></li><br /><li><a href="http://www.koivet.com/koivet/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=111:potassium-permanganate-2-kmno4&catid=36:medicine-treatments&Itemid=57">Part 2 – detailed guide</a></li><br /><li>The most effective antibiotic / anti viral / anti-parasite</li><br /><li>Easy to get – chemists or good koi shops</li><br /><li>Don’t get ripped off – very much cheaper in chemists</li><br /><li>Difficult to get dosage precisely right</li><br /><li>Overdosing burns gill tissue and therefore the damage is either fatal or permanent</li><br /><li>Dosage can be reversed by addition of Hydrogen Peroxide</li><br /><li>Sunlight neutralises it over time</li></ol><br /><li>Hydrogen Peroxide</li><br /><ol type="a"><li>Powerful reagent</li><br /><li>Turns purple pond crystal clear</li><br /><li>Crucial to have to reverse over dosage of potassium permanganate</li><br /><li>Easy to get – chemists or good koi shops</li><br /><li>Don’t get ripped off – very much cheaper in chemists</li></ol><br /><li>Anti-biotic injection</li><br /><ol type="a"><li><a href="http://www.koivet.com/koivet/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=86:baytril-enrofloxacin-dosing&catid=36:medicine-treatments&Itemid=57">A guide for injection of Baytril</a> – one of the most common antibiotics for koi</li><br /><li><a href="http://www.koivet.com/koivet/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=95:injections-fundamental-concepts&catid=41:koi-how-to-information&Itemid=63">More on injecting</a></li><br /><li>Illegal outside vet’s hands</li><br /><li>Crucial for severe ulcers</li><br /><li>Gets easier to administer when you know how to anaesthetise the fish and where to inject</li><br /><li>Easiest spot is into the spot immediately behind the dorsal fin</li><br /><li>Second choice is under a scale and into the tail muscle</li><br /><li>Avoid belly and organs at all costs</li><br /><li>Limited shelf life</li><br /><li>Difficult to get</li></ol><br /><li>Mercurochrome – surface disinfectant</li><br /><ol type="a"><li>Easy to get</li><br /><li>Difficult to administer – slides off the fish and onto you!</li></ol><br /><li>Plastic spray bottle for mercurochrome</li><br /><li>Wound gel</li><br /><ol type="a"><li>Powder for putting onto wound.</li><br /><li>Forms gel to keep water off wound</li><br /><li>Difficult to get (happy koi, Joshua Koi)</li><br /><li>Not foolproof – lasts just over a day in my experience</li></ol></ol><br /><br />There are other medications I have not used due to toxicity and the things they specifically target (usually parasites) – notably formalin and Malachite Green.<br /><br />Tricide Neo is the wonder drug for ulcers in the USA. I’ve tried to get local dealers to import it. See <a href="http://www.koivet.com/koivet/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=108:tricide-neo-antibacterial-dip-or-spray-on-medication-for-koi&catid=36:medicine-treatments&Itemid=57">here</a>.<br /><br />Almost all medications are a form of chemotherapy – you’re only killing the fish slight less than the bugs. So the crucial thing is how far to take it.<br /><br />Methodology:<br /><ol><li>Turn off UV lamps – they kill the medication</li><br /><li>People say bypass the bio filter – I think this leaves a source of good and bad bacteria. So I leave it active and then reseed the biofilter with good bacteria afterward. This means at least 4 weeks of suboptimal water quality while good bacteria re-establish</li><br /><li>Treat the water with first dose of medication, e.g. potassium permanganate</li><br /><li>Prepare separate container for anaesthetic – water and correct dosage of clove oil. I have a syringe of oil on standby to add if the fish is taking too long to knock out</li><br /><li>Create small highly concentrated solution of potassium permanganate and water</li><br /><li>Catch the fish, being very careful of pectoral fins (they dislocate, tear or break very easily)</li><br /><li>Put into anaesthetic until the fish floats to the surface belly up</li><br /><li>Remove and put onto moist towel on grass – fish’s mouth should still be moving but body should be immobile</li><br /><li>Dip end of cotton bud in high concentrate PP solution and apply to rotting / dead skin on edge of ulcer</li><br /><ol type="a"><li>Be careful – will burn away anything it touches including good flesh and skin</li><br /><li>Fish may even grunt / cry from pain during this – quite frightening</li></ol><br /><li>Wash off with pond water</li><br /><li>Blot wound with toilet paper. Would must be dry for mercurochrome to adhere</li><br /><li>Spray wound close up with mercurochrome</li><br /><li>Blow or use hair dryer to dry wound and mercurochrome</li><br /><li>Sprinkle just enough wound gel over wound to absorb remaining moisture</li><br /><li>Spray area with pond water to turn remaining powder to gel</li><br /><li>Blow /use hair dryer to dry gel</li><br /><li>Inject correct dosage of antibiotic for size of fish</li><br /><ol type="a"><li>Area behind dorsal fin is easiest and least risk of damage to scales – however, avoid bones</li><br /><li>Area into flesh in tail is good but needle must go under a scale and above the one underneath</li></ol><br /><li>Return fish to pond / treatment tank</li><br /><ol type="a"><li>Hold fish by head and tail and move backwards and forwards through water to get water through gills until the fish revives</li></ol><br /><li>Watch time the fish has without oxygen during anaesthetic</li><br /><li>Requires repeat treatments of water, wound and injections (typically three to five water, three to five injections, sometimes every second day cleaning of wound – but only use the PP the first time</li></ol><br /><br />If all else fails – <a href="http://www.koivet.com/koivet/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=115:euthanasia-in-koi&catid=41:koi-how-to-information&Itemid=63">euthanasia</a>.<br /><br />The best site for far far more detail, including more on dosages (very very important). Watch out for American gallons! They’re busy reorganising so a few of the links don’t work:<br /><br /><a href="http://www.koivet.com/koivet/">http://www.koivet.com/koivet/</a><br /><br />The forums – excellent to read other’s problems, pictures and advice:<br /><br /><a href="http://www.koivetforum.com/">http://www.koivetforum.com/</a><br /><br />After having gone through the experience and listening to friends, I am now certain that some bitumen pond waterproofing actually slowly poisons or irritate koi. Water tests may be perfect, but due to the toxins, the fish stress and develop ulcers. When I fibre-glassed, my koi's health improved dramatically. I have had only one minor ulcer in the 3 years since.<br /> <br />Simpler and cheaper than fibre-glass is epoxy / rubberised coating over your existing pond. For example, although I have no experience with the following guys:<br /><br />http://www.poolsolutions.co.za/<br /><br />It would be crucial to ask a few questions about durability and toxicity.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><br/><img src="http://c12.statcounter.com/counter.php?sc_project=1412450&java=0&security=8ccb4782&invisible=0" /></div>It is the questionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12934924254713308679noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9292887.post-66670929063475026242009-08-22T23:28:00.006+02:002009-08-26T10:28:37.856+02:00Do you know Zebra & Giraffe?What an amazing band! I've been following them since seeing them perform live at this year's Coke Fest.<br /><br /><centre><img width=400 src="http://photos-a.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs104.snc1/4774_97946541422_7527326422_2472184_7828921_n.jpg"/></centre><br /><br /><br />Zebra & Giraffe started out as the solo project of Greg Carlin. In May 2008, Carlin released Z&G debut album "Collected Memories" and then formed a live band with members Alan Shenton, Rob Davidson, Darren Leader & Andrew Maskell.<br /><br />One of the band's fantastic songs - <a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/LqjowlOqp8E&hl=en&fs=1&">Arm Yourself</a>:<br /><br /><centre><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/LqjowlOqp8E&hl=en&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/LqjowlOqp8E&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></centre><br /><br />More at these places:<br /><br /><ol><li><a href="http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=logo#/pages/Zebra-Giraffe/7527326422?ref=n">Facebook page</a> – with clips from each of their tracks you can play</li><br /><li>On <a href="http://www.myspace.com/zebraandgiraffe">Myspace</a></li><br /><li><a href="http://www.zebraandgiraffe.co.za">Website</a> – pretty top multimedia site</li><br /><li>Buy the album, preview songs, etc here</li><br /><ol type="a"><li><a href="http://www.klicktrack.com/justmusic/releases/zebra-and-giraffe/collected-memories">Klicktrack</a></li><br /><li><a href="http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewAlbum?i=279138879&id=279138820&s=143441">iTunes</a></li></ol><br /><li>Zebra & Giraffe on <a href="http://www.youtube.com/user/zebraandgiraffe">YouTube</a></li><br /><li>Highly recommend getting the actual album <a href="http://www.kalahari.net/music/Collected-Memories-Deluxe-Edition/19738/33975884.aspx">here</a> – CD and DVD</li></ol><br /><br /><centre><img width=400 src="http://photos-f.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs200.snc1/6768_124745001422_7527326422_2880701_3009684_n.jpg"/></centre><br /><br />This biography was written in May 2008 and tells the amazing story of how Greg Carlin wrote an created the whole album - other than drums - Collected Memories:<br /><br /><i>Zebra & Giraffe is the name of a new force pressing itself into the hearts and minds of music fans – and even on first listen it's clear that Z&G's debut longplayer, 'Collected Memories', is every bit as unique as the animals that its named after.<br />In fact, at this stage (autumn 2008), the cleverly named act is actually the 12-lettered pseudonym of Johannesburg music wunderkind, Greg Carlin. Until he (very shortly) assembles a cracking hot live band to assist in showcasing his original songs, Carlin is Zebra & Giraffe and the 10-songs on 'Collected Memories' are an announcement of his own special take on making music to all who hear it.<br />That Carlin was able to make his debut album virtually unassisted (bar a session drummer) stems from his multiple music talents that see him playing everything from bass, to keyboards, guitar and more. But in crafting 'Collected Memories' he wisely called on the production talent of the sublimely talented Darryl Torr who many music fans in the country may know as the foil to Harris Tweed's Cherilyn MacNeil.<br />"It was just easier to play everything myself," Johannesburg-based Carlin says, "But Darryl made the difference when it came to shaping the songs into what you hear on the album."<br />You might be forgiven for thinking that moving from piano to guitar to drums to keyboards and bass may hamper the album's flow, giving it a sameness that renders it impossible to listen to. Not in the case of Zebra & Giraffe. Perhaps it's because of being able to adopt a different name that 'Collected Memories' is a journey of variety; a sonic outing that is, in fact, brilliantly listenable.<br />The album starts with a song that should not waste time in securing radio time – and indeed has already had a welcoming reception across the board.<br />'The Knife' takes its cue from the dark side of electronic rock pioneered by the likes of New Order & Joy Division. There are also strains of the latter's ability to turn punk-influenced stylings into atmospheric masterpieces on 'Collected Memories' – specifically the likes of 'Black Crow' with its fiercely played guitar and bass lines and lyrics of abandonment and last chance love.<br />Discerning these influences when listening to 'Collected Memories' is all the more astonishing because, until recently, Carlin had not heard many of the bands from the era that his music sits closest too. "The first thing I remember listening to is Nirvana and U2, back when I was in primary school, and then it was onto modern rock" he says.<br />There are strains of other bands that formed part of the soundtrack to someone born in the 80s on the album (The Edge's melodic guitar work can be heard in 'Arm Yourself') but mostly 'Collected Memories' is the sound of an artist pushing ahead with his own sonic exploration in the most beguiling way. As an example listen to "Running Faster" where the keyboard melody runs like the Pied Piper though the song, making sure that your attention never strays for a second from what is certainly another hit for Zebra & Giraffe.<br />Carlin admits that his own liking is for the harder edge of rock (A Perfect Circle, early Marilyn Manson, NIN, Tool are among his favourites) and although much of 'Collected Memories' is melodic, thrashing guitars do make themselves felt on 'Fight! Fight! Fight!'.<br />But just as you're certain that you've got the record's sonic ground pinned out comes 'Leaving Again', a tune that throws a rope around rock as much as pop and electronica (that at-the-fore keyboard), the result being one of the album's standouts, a near perfect combination of melodic heft and lyrical prowess. It's the same with 'A Long Way Down', a track defined by an unsettling drum beat and delicate acoustic guitar work that is just about as compelling a song as you'll hear all year. Carlin's tale about losing someone is elegantly supported by the backing vocal of Harris Tweed's MacNeil. <br />But don't mistake the darkness for a proclivity on Carlin's part for living in emotion's murkier corners. The fact is that Zebra & Giraffe is not against having some fun: "Pariahs' is driven by a swirling keyboard that perfectly supports the song's dreamlike, at times tongue-in-cheek lyrics ("I like the pretty girls/the ones with curls/they make me crazy/they say baby oh you rock my world") and there are other uplifting moments.<br />Carlin admits that lyrics are one of the aspects of songwriting that he's sometimes less at ease with. "A lot of the songs are about relationships and the rest are about feelings that I get and then I put that into words. It may come out as a specific event or experience but its inspiration comes from a feeling." He readily admits that the album's titled stems from a recent move from the comfort of his childhood home – a place where his own collected memories reside.<br />It was here that Carlin originally learnt to play drums while at High School, playing rock with a band that went by the name of (yes, it's true) MSG. Carlin studied Fine Art at Tuks and joined his first real band – first as a bassist and then as a singer. White Lie was its name and the band went so far as recording a handful of tracks with Darryl Torr – establishing a relationship between Carlin and the producer that has been lasting and creative. White Lie earned a campus hit with the song "Runaway" and had something of a following but at the end of 2005 several members left to study and Carlin was left to his own devices.<br />It's just as well because Carlin soon began experimenting in his home studio – exploring sounds and beats, many of which have influenced the sound of 'Collected Memories'.<br />In a stroke of luck for Carlin, he met Just Music's Karl Anderson through Harris Tweed (a Just Music signing) and struck up a relationship with the label through working on its digital business. Now Zebra & Giraffe have a label deal with the highly regarded independent and Carlin is ready to begin his assault on the charts, live circuit and more.<br />Diane Coetzer - May 2008</i><br /><br /><centre><img width=400 src="http://photos-d.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs180.snc1/6768_124871096422_7527326422_2881899_540638_n.jpg"/></centre><div class="blogger-post-footer"><br/><img src="http://c12.statcounter.com/counter.php?sc_project=1412450&java=0&security=8ccb4782&invisible=0" /></div>It is the questionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12934924254713308679noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9292887.post-46245808685448465752009-08-17T23:43:00.004+02:002009-08-18T11:28:16.379+02:00How do you find a missing Rolex?I've just taken off after my epic holiday to the UK and US. I feel euphoric about the trip, seeing Depeche Mode twice, U2, playing golf at two of the world's top golf courses. Yet I am miserable about losing a watch given to me after my uncle died. It was a tragic death. He committed suicide, and my aunt gave it to me about 15 years ago to remember all the good times from his life. It was a 1978 classic <a href="http://www.christies.com/LotFinder/lot_details.aspx?intObjectID=5195911">Rolex Oyster Perpetual GMT Master</a>. There are two aspects: the sheer financial value - the exact watch just got auctioned on Christies for $7000, and the sentimental value. The Aunt who gave it to me is currently dying from cancer - the watch is a link to my memory of her and my uncle.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.christies.com/lotfinderimages/d51959/d5195911l.jpg"/></center><br /><br />I am bitter about the way the watch was lost. I was playing golf at one of the world's most exclusive golf courses. I put the watch in a pocket on the side of the hire clubs bag with my camera. After the game I removed everything from the bag, but clearly forgot the watch. Later that afternoon, as my cousins prepared to take me to the station, I realized I did not have my watch with me. I frantically searched, but knew I had left it in the bag. We raced back to the club, but the watch was not there. My cousins clearly believed / hoped I had lost it in my suitcases somewhere. I hoped so too, but knew deep down I had left it in the golf bag. I hoped that an employee who had perhaps left earlier had found it and put it away somewhere.<br /><br />Later that evening, I spoke to my cousin who was clearly stressed. He went back the next day and searched through all the pockets of all the hire clubs. He left the details of the watch club and hoped it would be handed in. I felt bad that my carelessness had resulted in the stress for my cousin's family.<br /><br />The watch went missing on Friday. It's now Sunday night and there is no sign of the watch. Things are likely to get more complicated from here. Perhaps, although I think it unlikely, the watch may be covered by travel insurance arising from booking the trip on my credit card. If so, I am sure they will insist I report the missing watch to the UK police. This will I am sure cause embarrassment to my cousin - a member at the exclusive golf club. I would think the police would want to speak to the golf shop employees. Further complicating this, I am sure the UK police would not be happy about me leaving the country before reporting the loss.<br /><br />A good thing is that Rolexes can only be serviced by authorized dealers. I have had the watch serviced and will be able to get its serial number from the jeweler.<br /><br />The other part of me is so furious at the likely theft. I want to unleash the fury of hell on the culprit.<br /><br />Let's hope for a miracle - that the watch gets handed in tomorrow. Otherwise, this is putting a serious damper on what was an amazing holiday.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><br/><img src="http://c12.statcounter.com/counter.php?sc_project=1412450&java=0&security=8ccb4782&invisible=0" /></div>It is the questionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12934924254713308679noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9292887.post-9626825526580259552009-08-16T18:57:00.005+02:002009-08-17T22:56:54.739+02:00How do you handle a fundamentalist in the family?I've just made my first visit to the US west coast. My cousins live just outside LA and it has been ten years since I saw them last.<br /><br />It was really good to see them, but I left heart sore. R is actually my mom's cousin and a strictly practicing <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seventh-day_Adventist_Church">Seventh Day Adventist</a>. Basically that means they follow the bible really strictly including the laws applying to Judaism. They are also vegetarians (an even more strict requirement of Adventism).<br /><br />R married D, one of the nicest woman you'd ever meet. She has the kindest nature imaginable, and has passed this on to her three beautiful boys.<br /><br /><b>Heart sore</b><br /><br />I was heart sore for a few reasons. R emigrated from South Africa in a hurry. He'd had the most horrific run-ins with crime, culminating in shooting dead an intruder in his bedroom and then having the rest of the gang come back for him and shoot at him a few weeks later. As much as I am optimistic about South Africa's future, I advised him to leave for his own sanity.<br />But R has just got some weird ideas. He had them before his run instead with crime. He believes in the existence of the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_World_Order_(conspiracy_theory)">New World Order</a>, a powerful controlling group of wealthy who control the world. He is bigoted, including being racist and anti-gay. He is fundamentalist and totally against abortion. And then he has strange views on medicine.<br /><br />With all of this, the boys have been home schooled and brought up in a manner reminiscent of the Quakers. Although they have technology, they do not have TV and R has some strange views on the media. His kids, M (21) L (17) and J (7) are quiet and less forthright in their views and it is difficult to understand how much of their father's views they share. They have contact with other kids through church and neighbors, and I hope this gives them the perspective they so desperately need.<br /><br />To make the nightmare worse, the family are still in the immigration process after ten years in the US. The lack of green cards mean they are unable to get drivers licenses, study or do many other things we take for granted. R drives anyway, but the boys lack even this escape.<br /><br />I sense the boys’ views may be more liberal than their father's, but I have limited means of telling. They're the sweetest kids though and I wish I could offer them a way to see the world and gain perspective.<br /><br /><b>Fundamentalism</b><br /><br />It is easy to disapprove of R and his views. His brand of Christian fundamentalism that includes believing we are in the final days of the world is easy to rebel against and even hate. But if you met him, you’d find him to be the nicest guy. And the way his kids have turned out speak volumes for the upbringing he and his wife have provided. His life has been complicated by violence no one should endure.<br /><br />It is obvious R has suspicions I might be gay. 35, eligible and single is almost a diagnosis these days. He joked about me headed towards San Francisco. And while he likes Palm Springs, he is unhappy it is full of gays flaunting their lifestyle... (I saw from the corner of my eye that he glanced at me as he said this and as I drove through the town). To his credit, he did say it was up to them but he didn’t like the way they foisted their lifestyle on other people. His kids also played me a song by D’s step-brother. Ray remarked that he had been on “Elton John’s ticket but had a conversion experience.”<br /><br />I’m one who believes you state your views but you don’t have to attack the other person’s. This applies more so when the other person is family. In many senses, I believe the best way to state your views is to live them and thus make them known to others around you. R is well aware of my “liberal” views on politics. He has asked my thoughts, particularly with respect to South Africa. I have told him about my world where I am friends with (black) politicians’ family members, that I think it a person’s choice whether they wish to tattoo and pierce their bodies, that despite my concerns about Zuma, his choices have been largely positive thus far in his short presidency. We joke with one another. But one day I will have time alone with him and challenge his views. Of course, if I end up with another guy there will be the coming out discussion too.<br /><br />I am not religious. I was brought up in a practicing Christian family, and now describe myself as spiritual. The God I grew up with is different to R’s. Jesus went out of his way to be with the outcasts and socially undesirables. Not because they were less worthy or more special – because they were also God’s children. Jesus spared judgment, warning that it was dangerous to judge others with a log in your own eye, i.e. that it is impossible to judge fairly and without imposing our own perceptions and experience. I cannot understand how fundamentalists miss this: that bigotry and judgment is in itself a sin. I vividly remember being in New York on my first visit to the US. I woke up and turned on the hotel room TV to watch CNN news. <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matthew_Shepard">Matt Shepard</a>, a beautiful gay kid had been murdered in Laramie. As the story became clear, it emerged he had accepted a lift with two guys from a pub in the small town. They had taken him to a remote farm fence, tied him up and beaten him to a pulp. He had spent his dying hours naked, in pain and utterly alone in the freezing night air. I cried tears of horror and compassion as I listened to the emerging facts. I felt cold and estranged from the US. Later I would see the reaction as Matt’s killers went to trial. Christian fundamentalist protesters standing outside the court bearing signs saying, “God hates fags.” I watched the debates on Larry King Live, with fundamentalists spewing hatred and nonsense about the health and other dangers gay people posed to society. I later watched Matt’s story in “The Laramie Project,” a movie about Matt’s life and death. Not only had he been beaten to death for being gay, he'd previously been raped and beaten on a trip to Morocco because of his sexuality. As a closeted, confused bi guy, I could relate to Matt. I can imagine how black people must feel about the countless stories of racist abuse of their Matts. See <a href="http://www.matthewshepard.org/site/PageServer?pagename=MAIN_Matthews_Place_Home_Page">Matthew's place</a> - dedicated to Matt's memory.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.champaignschools.org/central/laramie/shepard.jpg"/><br /><i>Matt Shepard</i></center><br /><br />I can understand how fundamentalists might oppose abortion. Frankly, I oppose abortion, although I can only imagine how torn I might feel in a situation where I faced my child being born into a hostile environment such as poverty, a hateful relationship, a disabling condition or worse.<br />I don’t for a minute think R would be holding up a sign outside a courthouse. He did tell me about how US hospital’s were aborting full-term babies and an incident involving the death of an investor’s children (divine retribution?) But one morning, he asked me how I felt about the political situation of the world. I responded that I worked really hard and was probably unqualified to offer an opinion on some of the things he had told me (including an apparent example of Obama’s racism). Perhaps it was a cop out. Sometimes I believe you need to step away to get someone to come towards you. R responded, “No, I think we just have different experiences.” I nodded and said sadly, “Exactly. I believe we are fundamentally products of our experiences.” We agreed on that.<br /><br /><b>We’re products of our experiences</b><br /><br />I contrast our lives. I live a wonderful life. I work hard but enjoy what I do. I am phenomenally privileged – something I contemplate almost every day. I recently took my parents to one of the most exclusive game lodges in South Africa. Yesterday I played Pebble Beach – the number one public golf course in the USA and one of the top in the world. My father worked as hard as he knew how to provide for us. We could not afford a game of golf, let alone a trip to California to play Pebble Beach. Sure I work harder than almost anybody. But I was put in a position to go to university, think independently, make my own choices. I could more easily have been born into a shack in a township and though my father might have worked his heart out, never made it to university, never been impressed with the values to contemplate self improvement. As I have I have travelled through the richest neighbourhoods in the world over the past weeks, spent more money on holidaying in a short time than I have ever contemplated before, wondered at the scale of US infrastructure and wealth, I have thought that no matter the scale of this wealth, it represents no more than a few percent of the billions of people around the world who live hoping just to put food on the table. I am loved by my family and have a huge network of friends. I am truly blessed.<br /><br />R grew up in a very strict, Seventh Day Adventist family. He was sent to a Seventh Day Adventist College. He did national service in the airforce during South Africa’s bush war. Shortly after leaving the airforce, his elder brother was killed in a car accident, leaving a widow and two young boys. He left South Africa scarred by his experience with crime, his family jittery wrecks. He left a brother behind with his aging parents. Shortly after arriving in Los Angeles, his passport, driver’s licence, et al were stolen out of his supermarket trolley. Without paperwork and fraud on his bank cards, his immigration process and credit record was seriously damaged. He is bitter about his experience and conflicted by his beliefs and God’s reasons for the difficulties he faces. His brother also left South Africa for Australia, leaving his parents behind. He is wracked with guilt for this. He believes he made the wrong choice about moving to the US – Australia would have been better - and that it is a country in moral danger. He believes we are in the final days.<br /><br />In all of this, R’s children are the most vulnerable. Of course all children must survive their parent’s experiences, views and their upbringing. Equally, I am sure R worries about me and the lack of religion in my life.<br /><br />I think the difference in my life is that my parents imbued me with a set of values and gave me choices. I was never forced to go to Sunday school or church. I was set free in a world where my parents worried about drugs, sex and rock and roll. But although they vociferously made their concerns (particularly regarding my varsity drinking), they let me make my own mistakes.<br /><br /><b>Impact on the boys</b><br /><br />M, L and J are all home schooled. They do not have TV. They do not listen to modern music. They cannot take drivers’ tests due to their immigration status. They have grown up as their father’s friends. They can complete his stories. They all want to be doctors, but cannot study until their immigration status is sorted out. M is 21, and despite stellar SATs is unable to study. He is serious beyond his years and has begun work on a family business upon which their hopes rest. He seems haunted by memories of the first half of his life in South Africa.<br /><br />When I remarked on L’s serving efforts, he remarked that his brothers called him “mommy” when his mom’s away. I’ve loved this kid since he was an angelic 4 year old. He is still angelic. He recently carved a boat from a Christmas tree and sent it to his grandparents in South Africa. It is a work of art with turning ship’s wheel, sails, the works. He made the county softball team before the county canned that due to the legal risk. He is considered and polite. He should be exploring the world and himself. He should be on the sports fields with friends.<br /><br />J is a typical seven year old. He wants to be friends with the new neighbourhood kids who have a motorised go-kart. He was so happy to have family stay and remarked that instead of returning a borrowed item via mail, I should bring it back personally. He never knew his family’s past and suffers less from its memory.<br /><br />I've been wracked with thoughts since leaving the kids. I wish I could offer them an escape, an alternative view of the world. Imagine if one of them turned out gay? It would be the end of the world.<br /><br />I've encouraged M to study through UNISA. All the boys want to be doctors, and M has delayed studies for 3 years due to visa restrictions. He would be able to study via UNISA and correspondence though. It would also be an additional way out.<br /><br />I worry that a 21 year old boy now has the weight of his family's expectations on him. He should be well advanced in his studies by now.<br /><br />But mostly I worry about L. I've never met anyone quite like him. I arrived in Johannesburg when he was a little boy. He bonded with me instantly. As we drove from the airport in his father's car, he sat next to me and played gently with the hairs on my leg. He radiates love and kindness to this day. But as 17 year old he should be exploring life. Instead, he shares a room with his 7 year old brother and studies at home. And yet, he's grown up so early he's hardly had a childhood.<br /><br />The family is a world away. Hopefully the boys will feel they can reach out across Facebook and continue to explore the world through Youtube and the Internet more broadly. Hopefully they have church friends more moderate in their views.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><br/><img src="http://c12.statcounter.com/counter.php?sc_project=1412450&java=0&security=8ccb4782&invisible=0" /></div>It is the questionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12934924254713308679noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9292887.post-36552791625284886972009-07-12T14:48:00.005+02:002009-07-12T21:31:57.935+02:00How do I get through this?I'm totally in love again. I've been I love with four people now. Three straight guys who are unavailable. And a girl who married someone else. The <a href="http://itisthequestion.blogspot.com/2009/05/fatal-attractions.html">fatal attractions</a>. The third straight guy who is unavailable is R, recently married. I love being around him, playing golf, etc. He's open minded - one of his best friends is gay - loves sport, etc. It's that love where you notice all the mannerisms, his hands, eyes, etc.<br /><br />And while I grow closer to him and love him more and more, I know it will go nowhere. And it's killing me. I'm near depression again. I've now reached the desperation of trying the out and out gay pick up site <a href="http://www.meetmarket.co.za/">Mamba's Meetmarket</a> - the name says it all.<br /><br />All the whys. Why can't he have been available to the <a href="http://itisthequestion.blogspot.com/2008/05/how-do-you-hit-on-someone-at-work.html">anonymous email</a>? Why another straight guy?<br /><br />Damn. With apologies to Fight Club, this is my life and I'm dying one unrequited love at a time.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><br/><img src="http://c12.statcounter.com/counter.php?sc_project=1412450&java=0&security=8ccb4782&invisible=0" /></div>It is the questionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12934924254713308679noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9292887.post-82788697819225367242009-06-10T20:31:00.003+02:002009-06-10T21:06:27.139+02:00Is Pride redundant?As a sexually confused / bi guy, mostly in the closet, the Pride movement has always been a mystery to me.<br /><br />I understand a reaction to discrimination and the need to fight it. The stupidity of firing gay soldiers, hate speech, etc needs to be fought.<br /><br />But I do get the feeling that Pride is the wrong reaction. Should heterosexual people be proud of their sexuality? If the movement was called "Non-issue" it would make more sense.<br /><br />I feel the same reaction to the Black Consciousness movement (except I've read a bit of Steve Biko and that seemed a very different take on the subject). The aggressiveness of the Black Panthers, etc seems wholly misplaced and similar to the rabid ranting of some of the pride community.<br /><br />Why these thoughts? Well <a href="http://itisthequestion.blogspot.com/2009/05/have-you-seen-genius-on-idols.html">Adam Lambert</a> came out in the latest edition of <a href="http://www.rollingstone.com/rockdaily/index.php/2009/06/09/the-new-issue-of-rolling-stone-the-liberation-of-adam-lambert/">Rolling Stone</a>.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i.realone.com/assets/rn/img/0/2/6/5/28565620-28565621-large.jpg"/></center><br /><br />That in itself is not a big deal. What was a big deal was that <a href="http://itisthequestion.blogspot.com/2009/05/did-america-vote-against-adam-lambert.html">suspicions he was gay influenced voting in American Idol.</a><br /><br />What got me thinking again though, was reading the comments below the article. Read and then tell me America is a first world paragon of virtue.<br /><br />They range from the entertaining:<br /><br /><i>shelagh | 6/9/2009, 10:28 am EST<br /><br />Holy crap- dead- flatlined-<br />snakes…zipper jeans….open shirt…lying down….can’ breathe.</i><br /><br /><i>Frustrated Cougar | 6/9/2009, 11:11 am EST<br /><br />I’m forty-five years old. I have no ovaries because they removed them when I had breast cancer. As a result I haven’t felt a sexual thrill in many years - until Adam Lambert. The boy just does it for me. I’m a professional woman and the mother of two grown children. Yet, when I watched that girl flash him her ta tas at his hometown visit, I thought, “That would be me except I only have one.” Anywho, it’s fun to feel alive again. And, Adam, if you ever have a pair of granny panties thrown on stage at one of your concerts - it’ll be me.</i><br /><br />To the sensible / liberal:<br /><br /><i>GREG T VA BEACH | 6/9/2009, 10:16 am EST<br /><br />I am 44 year old male married to my wife for 23 years. I am open minded and the bottom line gay or not Adam Lambert is a special talent. He is original and can sing. George Michaels, Elton John both have talent. This guy has talent and skills and I hope his records out sell and his popularity is even more than Cary Underwood’s and Kelly Clarkson’s. Rock on Adam the world (not just the U.S) can’t wait for your album. One favor Adam don’t let any of this go to your head but prove to everyone you are a talented singer and performer.</i><br /><br />To the Christians big enough to remember not to judge:<br /><br /><i>Savta Shayna | 6/9/2009, 10:52 am EST<br /><br />Sorry he practices homosexuality because I consider it a sin. But aside from that, Adam is the best talent ever to come from American Idol and this 7-time grandmother was glued to my TV every week in anticipation of his performances. I’m sure he’ll rise to top of the heap!</i><br /><br />To the hateful:<br /><br /><i>James M. | 6/9/2009, 10:22 am EST<br /><br />I’m glad he lost.America does NOT need gay idol.</i><br /><br /><i>Heather | 6/9/2009, 11:01 am EST<br /><br />I don’t get it. Adam made my ears bleed and Johnny Cash roll in his grave when he sang…or screeched that awful version of r”Ring of Fire.” It was awful…it made my ears hurt and he should have been jerked off of the stage and kicked out of the competition then. As for his sexuality…I don’t agree with it…but hey, if you want your butthole to be stretched out and you want to sh*t all over yourself in a couple years, by all means, have at it! I don’t see how it was ever a question though…I mean look at him!</i><br /><br />There were more that are referenced in other comments, but have since been removed.<br /><br />And then the bewildering gay pride comment:<br /><br /><i>Michael | 6/9/2009, 10:16 am EST<br /><br />Ok, I read this article on my local CBS station’s website and needless to say, I’ve lost all respect for Adam. Why? Because he’s perpetuating the lie that all gay men must be pretty and gorgeous! Gee thanks Adam, you’re a real role model for the gay community. Try being considerably less concerned about your vanity and a little more concerned with your music and perhaps the gay rights issues that you could really help with considering your stature as the American Idol runner-up. Thanks for helping to push along the cause of gay rights issues……….NOT!</i><br /><br />Of course it could be tongue in cheek, making the point that Adam is good looking. But there more that are definitely not.<br /><br />As Adam Lambert said, "I want to be a singer,not a civil rights leader."<div class="blogger-post-footer"><br/><img src="http://c12.statcounter.com/counter.php?sc_project=1412450&java=0&security=8ccb4782&invisible=0" /></div>It is the questionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12934924254713308679noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9292887.post-10487841514120639952009-06-01T11:48:00.000+02:002009-06-01T11:48:00.619+02:00Will Zuma turn down a R1bn (USD125) donation to fight crime?Douw Steyn has offered <a href="http://www.mg.co.za/article/2009-05-31-businessman-offers-zuma-r1billion-to-fight-crime">R1bn to fight crime</a>. Wow.<br /><br />Apparently, Mbeki previously turned down the offer because "We don't have a problem with crime in this country. The problem is, we have a perception of crime."<br /><br />Let's hope sense prevails.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><br/><img src="http://c12.statcounter.com/counter.php?sc_project=1412450&java=0&security=8ccb4782&invisible=0" /></div>It is the questionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12934924254713308679noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9292887.post-30089002728623526012009-05-31T10:54:00.004+02:002009-05-31T11:45:52.828+02:00Can the favourite win a reality TV event?So Susan Boyle <a href="http://www.news24.com/News24/Entertainment/Celebrities/0,,2-1225-2108_2524718,00.html">came second in "Britain's Got Talent."</a><br /><br /><br />It seems like she's had <a href="http://www.news24.com/News24/Entertainment/Abroad/0,,2-1225-1243_2523422,00.html">a tough week</a> (and <a href="http://www.news24.com/News24/Entertainment/Celebrities/0,,2-1225-2108_2524483,00.html">here</a>, and <a href="http://www.news24.com/News24/Entertainment/Celebrities/0,,2-1225-2108_2524529,00.html">here</a>).<br /><br /><i>Susan Boyle's performance in the final:</i><br /><br /><center><object width="400" height="324"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/b2xiAQCTy2E&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/b2xiAQCTy2E&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="400" height="324"></embed></object></center><br /><br /><br />After becoming a world-wide sensation, she lost. It really makes me wonder if the favourite can win a public vote. David Archuleta, Adam Lambert and now Susan Boyle.<br /><br />Is it a mixture of complacency on the part of those supporting the favourite and frantic support on the part of those supporting the underdog?<br /><br />That said, the act that won Britain's Got Talent, Diversity, are very, very good.<br /><br /><i>Diversity's first performance:</i><br /><br /><center><object width="400" height="324"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/lBV-kRgr23k&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/lBV-kRgr23k&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="400" height="324"></embed></object></center><br /><br /><i>Diversity's semi-final performance:</i><br /><br />Embedding disabled - watch <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pg3fvanDDc">here</a><br /><br /><i>Diversity in the final:</i><br /><br /><center><object width="400" height="243"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/KJIz8BgRQc0&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/KJIz8BgRQc0&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="400" height="243"></embed></object></center><div class="blogger-post-footer"><br/><img src="http://c12.statcounter.com/counter.php?sc_project=1412450&java=0&security=8ccb4782&invisible=0" /></div>It is the questionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12934924254713308679noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9292887.post-34258036784204017622009-05-27T13:00:00.001+02:002009-05-31T10:54:20.754+02:00What is the true cost of an employee?I was sitting with my PA today going through a list of outstanding to-do items.<br /><br />I asked, "Why is my dry-cleaning taking so long?"<br /><br />"What dry-cleaning?" she asked.<br /><br />"The dry cleaning I left in the black refuse back next to your desk with the note," I said.<br /><br />"IITQ, there was nothing here."<br /><br />"You're kidding me. Did the maid throw anything out?" I asked.<br /><br />"I'm not sure. I don't think so. I walked in with her and there was nothing next to my desk," she said.<br /><br />"Fuck. Somebody has stolen the bag. Get <i>A</i> to check the access control to see who has been in the office," I said. "This is a disaster. I think there was an Armani suit in the bag with shirts and ties - that's about R30 000 worth of laundry."<br /><br />Later that evening I got a call.<br /><br />"IITQ, I've been retracing my steps and I think I may have thrown that bag out..."<br /><br />My PA wanted my bank details. She wanted to go and organise a loan to pay me back. I said, "Wait, let me go home and see exactly what was in the bag. Besides, its a mistake. I'm not going to make you take a loan."<br /><br /><i><u>Inventory</u></i><br /><br />4 imported shirts<br />2 imported silk ties<br />2 pairs pants for a suit - local, not Armani<br /><br />Small mercies. Not an Armani suit, so about R14 000 damage rather than R30 000.<br /><br />I wanted to cry. What a waste. I've been so careful with cash. I hate wasting money.<br /><br />Some of it was my mistake. Perhaps I could of put the clothes outside the bag for her to see. But she was expecting the dry cleaning and a black bag placed next to her chair should have merited an investigation.<br /><br />It made me think of the true cost of employees. Idle time, telephone, bandwidth, food, etc. And screw ups.<br /><br />What to do about the fuck up. No, I'm not going to make her take a loan. Or dock her salary. I'll probably make her work in some extra time.<br /><br />And it's all relative. My gran is really old and is sicker than she should be because of nursing and doctor tardiness. She's frail and a screw up could mean she dies. Big picture stuff.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><br/><img src="http://c12.statcounter.com/counter.php?sc_project=1412450&java=0&security=8ccb4782&invisible=0" /></div>It is the questionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12934924254713308679noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9292887.post-25254643046773187322009-05-26T20:07:00.005+02:002009-05-26T22:45:03.716+02:00What next for Susan Boyle?So Susan Boyle became a worldwide celebrity after her incredible <a href="http://itisthequestion.blogspot.com/2009/04/who-hell-is-susan-boyle.html">first appearance on Britain's Got Talent</a>.<br /><br />She was back for the semi final and only a fool would bet against her winning this season. Simon Cowell must be salivating at the money he'll make off her...<br /><br /><center><object width="400" height="324"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/CmWCqIVQpEI&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en&feature=player_embedded&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/CmWCqIVQpEI&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en&feature=player_embedded&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="400" height="324"></embed></object></center><br /><br />It's another great performance. She's better when she really unleashes than she is in the softer moments (light and shade), but that's being picky.<br /><br />It's really sweet she just wants to perform for the queen. She clearly has no idea of what awaits her as a worldwide celebrity.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><br/><img src="http://c12.statcounter.com/counter.php?sc_project=1412450&java=0&security=8ccb4782&invisible=0" /></div>It is the questionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12934924254713308679noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9292887.post-44470017757615824352009-05-21T23:24:00.002+02:002009-05-21T23:40:50.107+02:00Did America vote against Adam Lambert because of his sexuality?I've often described the American South and Midwest as very similar to the South African Afrikaner north - conservative and Calvinist.<br /><br />Was that proved on American Idol last night? What a shocker result. This was the best top 10 ever - but headed by the most talented contestant ever. Adam Lambert has had people talking for the last few months.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://blogs.reuters.com/fanfare/files/2009/05/adam-lambert.jpg"/></center><br /><br />And he lost to Kris Allen.<br /><br />The press and Internet has been going wild with discussion about the conservative US vote. <a href="http://blogs.reuters.com/fanfare/2009/05/21/lambert-says-allen-won-idol-because-hes-a-great-artist/">This Reuters blog</a> discusses the issue.<br /><br />There are rumours this could be the last <a href="http://www.reuters.com/article/rbssTechMediaTelecomNews/idUSN2052800720090521?sp=true">American Idol</a>. It's future revolves around Simon Cowell and after tipping David Archuleta last year and Adam Lambert this year, he's questioning his future commitment.<br /><br />That will be sad. It was the best top 10 yet and the best finale. Black Eyed Peas, Lionel Ritchie, Cyndie Lauper, Rod Stewart, Kiss, Queen - amongst others! It was polished, well put together and well hosted. With a shock in the last minutes.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><br/><img src="http://c12.statcounter.com/counter.php?sc_project=1412450&java=0&security=8ccb4782&invisible=0" /></div>It is the questionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12934924254713308679noreply@blogger.com0